1999 or 2000
I am shifting throughout events in my past somehow, reliving these times but unable to change any mistakes or bad things. I am in my body at whatever age I was at then. These shifts happen at any time. One moment I could be watching a Yankees game in the present then all of a sudden I'm in my old apartment watching them but Don Mattingly is up at bat and not Tino Martinez - it is 1985. Or I'll be listening to the radio and a song like Hungry Like the Wolf is on and suddenly it's 1983 and I'm in my bedroom at that apartment. I could be stuck in the past for minutes, hours or days. and I don't always come back to the present but when I do it is as if no time has passed.
It is like my spirit goes into my body at a certain age but I'm only able to witness things which is frustrating because there are times that I wish that I could react differently like when somebody was picking on me in school and I'd love to have a good comeback line that would show them how stupidly they are acting and they'd leave me alone. Imagine if I could change things but if I did have that ability I might mess things up like if I didn't allow myself to fall into the eating disorder problem I would have never met my friend Carolyn in the hospital.
It would be so nice if I could make it so that I'd get Mom and I to take Ginger to the vet's without Dad knowing then he wouldn't have been there to have her put to sleep because he didn't want to even spend the money to find out why she was sick. Would I even have been able to change this upsetting incident - maybe not. She probably only needed medicine. I don't think that I was even with them that day.
It is hard having to witness the sad and scary moments all over again but when it's a happy time it is nice. I have no idea what is causing me to time travel or when it will stop. I'm never in the future. Maybe some alien race is responsible for this.
Another time that I revisit is when I was disco dancing in our basement with my brother and our friends Suzy and Jenny in 1979. I was wearing hand-me-downs from my cousin Joyce - a short black skirt and a yellow sleeveless top with the letters YES on the top right hand side of it. At the time I had no idea that this is the name of a rock group. Suzy fell down and hit her head on the coffee table. Mark had been holding a flashlight and moving it around like it was the lighting in a club. Donna Summer was on the radio.
Some of these "trips" happen when I am listening to certain songs presently and then I go back to the year that they were big hits. Maybe the aliens are doing this because they have been observing me and saw that I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything in my life and also feel hopeless. Maybe this won't stop until I come up with some goals and work at acheiving them which seems impossible now. Perhaps it will keep happening so much that I'll lose touch with reality and have to be commited to a hospital. I hope not. There was no real conclusion to my dream. I was wishing that there would be a Part 2 to this.
Phil Collins: "In The Air Tonight"
1 week ago