Friday, July 30, 2010

My Revenge Demon Dream

I won a contest somehow - the prize was a private Duran Duran concert in my hometown and I got to hang out with them for a few hours before it. There were about 300 other contest winners. I don't remember all the details but it was pretty cool. As if anything like this would ever happen.

I was living in my old apartment. The guys were sitting in my living room. When went into the kitchen for sodas I overheard Simon say "She's both ugly and stupid". They all laughed. I was very upset. A revenge demon sensed this and went into action. He made us fall asleep and when I woke up I was in my parent's bed with Simon and John. John had his arms around me. They were wondering what had happened but after about a minute later they forgot about this but I didn't.

We went for a walk around my small town after that. Why would I even want to be around them after what they did? We were by the field that the concert was going to be held. Suddenly an invisible force lifted John up into the air, pulled down his pants and slid him across the field that it had made muddy. He was a mess. They were freaked out and wanted to leave but when they tried doing so an invisible force field held them back. A loud, deep voice said that they could not leave until after the show.

A minute later we were teleported by this demon to my neighbour's old white car. It took control over Andy and made him drive crazily and we hit another car. Then we were teleported back to my place. Simon started spraying hairspray around the room and not because he felt like it. He was under the demon's control. Nick asked me if I was a witch who was making all these bad things happen. I said no.

More terrible things occured during the concert. During My Own Way a herd of bulls appeared in the field and started coming towards the audience. Everyone was lifted up into the air when they were closer and then the bull disappeared. But the only ones who remembered that this happened were me and the group. Same with all the other horrible occurances that night.

There were problems with the sound equipment during Notorious and Simon forgot most of the words during Hungry Like the Wolf. It started raining heavily during Hold Back the Rain then stopped right afterwards. I was still mad at them and pictured a giant zit appearing on John's chin which is exactly what happened.

A few of my former classmates were there. Lisa believed in ghosts and demons. After the rain incident she started to remember it and told me that maybe if I got them to apologize that these bad things would stop happening. I must've told her earlier about how mean they had been.

I went up to the stage and told them this. I also remembered that Roger had not laughed and might've even said "That's not funny". I thanked him for that. They apologized and the demon went away but before he did he made it seem like this concert had never happened and I was the only one who remembered it. I guess that it sent everyone back home too.

One other strange thing happened during the show. Irene Cara suddenly appeared on the stage and sang Fame. I'm so ashamed that I was thinking that it was nice being snuggled up together with John and I wished that I could have a boyfriend to do this with.

This one is from January 18,2006.

The Real Jersey Shore

I haven't been down the shore since 2000 when I went to Cape May with my boyfriend and his family. This was the first time that I was ever there. We went in late September. I liked it alot especially the lighthouse. I'm not really into the shore that much. When I was younger I guess that I liked the beach but by 1983 I just enjoyed the boardwalk.

Our favourite shore destination was Wildwood. We always stayed at the Pulaski motel. I was there 4 or 5 times. Two times it was with my parents, brother , friend Stacey and her parents. In 1985 it was Mark, Stacey, me and our mothers. We played miniature golf on the rooftop and my brother hit the ball off of it. 1986 was the last time with Stacey and our moms. The boardwalk is great there. "Watch the tram car, please".

I remember being at Atlantic City once before the casinos. We were there 2 times in the 1980s. Our Dads took Suzy, Jenny, Mark and I to Sandy Hook once in the late 70s. I was there in 1981 for my 6th grade class trip. We went to Seaside and Keansburg , sometimes with Stacey and her parents. I'm pretty sure we all were at Long Branch once. I think that's where grandma and I took a bus trip to one day.

I just remembered the time that my brother wanted to go to Atlantic City for his 21st birthday. We took a bus trip down there and I only used .50 in the slot machines. I really don't like gambling. My brother seemed to have a good time.

Dad might've taken us to Asbury Park once. I have this vague recollection of not liking it there much. One day in high school my friend Trisha and I skipped classes in the afternoon and went there but we didn't stay that long. We just walked around for a bit.

Part of me would like to go to Point Pleasant. I think that there is an Aquarium on the Jenkinson's Pier . I'd feel too anxious to drive there though. The Parkway is especially scary for me.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Doris Day

My mom loves Doris Day and when I was a kid I started liking her too. Mom had the 8 track of her greatest hits that I enjoyed listening to. I got the album of this from my boyfriend in the early 90s. I would like to get the CD someday. I did get a double CD of hers for mom and I'm sure all those songs are on it but it's just not the same to me. I'm not even sure if I'd still like her music. Sometimes I go through phases with various artists. I have Secret Love playing in my head right now.

We enjoyed her movies too. I've seen a couple more of them than mom has - Teacher's Pet and Midnight Lace. The Man Who Knew Too Much, The Glass Bottom Boat, The Thrill of It All, Move Over Darling, Pillow Talk, Lover Come Back, Send Me No Flowers, Jumbo and That Touch of Mink. There are a few others that I'd like to see. Maybe they'll be on TCM someday.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Back to the Future

This is one of my favourite 80's movies. I like the song from it too - The Power of Love. I still have this magazine but not the poster because I accidentally threw it away. After I took it off my wall I put it back in the wrong magazine. Grandma next door got me one of those teenie bopper mags with MJF on the cover because she thought that I had a crush on him. I just liked him in this movie. That's the mag that the poster wound up in which I eventually threw in the trash. I wish that I had been more careful or had not even taken the poster out of the magazine.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Arts and Crafts #1 - Punch Embroidery

I wasn't that good at doing arts and crafts. In the early 90's I got a little into doing punch embroidery. You would pick patterns out of a catalog that you would transfer onto cloth with an iron and use a needle type thing to punch the yarn threads through the fabric. My cousin Karen who worked in A.C. Moore craft store liked my raccoon so much that she had it framed and it hung in her store as a display for months. I'm just glad that I asked for it back before she moved to Florida otherwise I would've never seen it again. I didn't do that many projects but I still have all the punch embroidery stuff in a container in my basement. I don't think that I'd start doing it again but I wouldn't want to get rid of these things.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

My Buffy pup

Buffy will be 12 and a half next month - if she is still with us. Her health has not been good for the past 12-18 months. Much of this is due to the fact that she was on meds with steroids in them for her allergies so now she has liver and kidney damage in addition to a weak heart. I only wish that I had tried the more expensive non-steroid meds years ago. She's had allergy problems for at least 9 years. If I weren't so selfish and spending alot of money on clothes and jewelry I'm sure I would have had enough money for this.

The lady vet did say that we'd keep track of certain levels and if they got too high she'd tell us and we'd take her off the steroids. Well, she let them get so high that the damage got pretty bad. I do blame her also for my Buffy's poor health. She has been off that med for a year but last week her allergies got so bad that I had to take her to the vets. The girl vet said that the only med that would work would be a steroid shot but I really did not want to give her that so she said we'd try antibiotics because maybe it was just an infection.

We gave her the antibiotics for the week but this did not work. She was back to licking and biting herself. We took her back for a recheck yesterday and that's when we had no choice but to get that shot for her. I already feel bad enough about shortening her life so now this will probably further do so. Unfortunately when I woke up this morning I saw that she had once again been biting and licking herself - her whole side is a mess.

The vet said that if it did not get better by the middle of next week to call and set up an appointment but what more can they do for her? Maybe they'll give her a special bath to help make her feel less itchy. My Buffy fund is very low now. I spent about 350.00 on her this past week already. I might just have to get into credit card debt, something I dread.

I love her so much and wish that we had been better owners. Some of the heart problem could be from not having her teeth cleaned. The vet tech said that bad teeth and gums can lead to a build up of something in the heart - I forget what she said it was. We had them cleaned last summer. I should have been cleaning them every so often throughout the years and this past one too. Bad Lara.

I have written about my Buffy's problems before but I just felt the need to vent out my thoughts and emotions about this again. I don't think I could ever forgive myself for not being a better owner. I hope that she's around at least until her 13th birthday in February but that's doubtful. I'm trying to give her lots of love and belly rubs and spend more time with her than usual. I get so emotional about doggies and animals.

Friday, July 23, 2010

My Seeing Stars Dream

November 10, 2002

My brother, mother and I were at a big autograph signing show. We didn't even know about it until we were in that area that same day. Mark needed to do some research at a library on a college campus and nearby or maybe even in a building there we saw a sign for this event. Alot of famous people were at it. Someone told us that you had to pay 28.00 to get in but somehow we snuck in there.

A variety of stars were there which seemed strange and unlikely but anything is possible in a dream. Two of the Doctors from Doctor Who - Tom Baker and Peter Davison, 2 stars from Blake's 7, Rick Springfield, James Garner, John Hillerman - Higggins from Magnum P.I., Heather Locklear, a few wrestlers and many more.

Mark really wanted an autograph of one of the Blake's 7 stars but he didn't have much money so he asked me if he could borrow some but I only had a few dollars. There must have been an ATM there but we didn't see it. I don't remember if we actually found it and got the money for autographs.

I kept seeing this one cute guy who later came over to talk to me for a bit. As if any cute guy would want to talk to me in reality. Heather was wearing a hot pink pantsuit outfit that was very low cut. I felt jealous of her because she is so pretty.

Mark told me that I should go over and talk to Rick Springfield but I really didn't want to. He said "Remember that episode of Battlestar Galactica that he was in?" The place was starting to get really crowded which was making me anxious. I told my brother that I wanted to leave. I was a little afraid that we'd get in trouble if someone saw that we did not have on the wristbands that were proof of payment to this event.

Mark said that he would be back in a few minutes. There were many rooms in this building. The British sci-fi ones were in one and sports stars in another. I was getting angry because 25 minutes had passed and he hadn't returned so I went to look for him but couldn't find him. Mim waited by the door and when I got back 15 minutes later he was there with her. We left right after that.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Vacation - Florida 1976

In addition to Disneyworld we also went to Sea World, Circus World and a wax museum on our Florida 1976 trip. I mainly remember being very sick and throwing up in the parking lot at Sea World. We also pet dolphins which was nice. I really don't remember anything about Circus World. Maybe that's when I started being scared of clowns. The wax museum was so cool. I loved the Frankenstein one but that picture never came out good. Mom loved the Doctor Zhivago one - one of her favourite movies which my name came from. Our 76 Chevy Malibu is in the picture of mom and I outside our motel.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Vacation - Disney World 1976

My most vivid memory of Disney World was Dad getting stung by a bee on the train ride. That's why his hand is on his chest in the one picture - he has an ice pack on it. We loved the Main Street Electrical Parade, Jungle Cruise, Pirates of the Caribbean and 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

My Own Worst Critic

I always seem to be beating myself up about something - I can't help it, this is the way my brain works, unfortunately. I even do so about my blogging. I compare myself to other blogs and think that mine is pretty bad in some aspects like writing style and presentation. I forget to include certain details in my post. I don't do a good job of expressing my thoughts. I know it's only a blog and it does not have to be perfect but I just wish that I could be better at it.

I guess I've been putting myself down alot because things always go wrong for me and I hardly ever learn from my mistakes even in simple aspects of my life like working on my scrapbook project. I cut something out of a paper or magazine and I tell myself it is fine but then a part of me says that it could be better and keeps cutting until I wind up making it look kind of crappy. It's like my brain is incapable of listening to the smart voice. I just feel so defeated and like things will never change.

I do the same dumb things over and over at concerts and other events too. I either use the binoculars too much or not enough, I don't look at the screen much and I go overboard with the camera. I never even brought a camera with me until a Duran Duran concert in 2008 because I would rather focus on the music but the bossy illogical side took over and made me buy a digital one the day before this event. I couldn't control that part of me and I wound up taking way too many pictures and now that's like my main memory of the night when it should be the music. You would think that I had learned my lesson after that night but I did the same thing at a few of the matches at the US Open last year. I am not too bright.

I know that I have to learn to stop beating myself up about past stupidities and let go of these bad memories but it is difficult for me to do so. I am not sure how long I have been so critical of myself. Maybe since the early 90's but I wasn't as bad then as I have been the past 10 years.

I have this memory of cleaning the bathroom when I was about 15. I did a really good and thorough job of it. My Dad went in there and pointed out the one thing that I had forgotten to clean - the soap dish. I don't think that he even said that the room looked nice. Perhaps this was the start of my self- criticism but I don't think I was doing it that much back then.

I would like to write some more today but I am feeling tired and kind of anxious. I have never encountered the computer virus problem before a couple of days ago when I was leaving a comment on someone's post at this site. We do have anti-virus protection but I was still worried about this. I didn't even tell my brother about it because I was afraid he'd blame me and never let me use his computer again. I guess that everything is alright. It happened again today when I went to a post to read it. Now I'm even scared to come here anymore.

Saturday, July 17, 2010


Our town carnival is in 8 days. My brother is looking forward to it for the food. I have not been to this event since the early 90's. They used to have good food there. My brother said that they don't have as many food selections as they used to there. We loved going on the rides when we were kids. My favourites were the Tilt-a-Whirl and the Scrambler. We never went on the Bullet - it seemed to scary to me. We'd play the games sometimes - I only remember winning a picture of a unicorn. We never won the 50-50 drawing. Some of the money from the carnival went to our towns' volunteer fire department.

Our grade school also had a carnival. It used to be in the bigger parking lot at a nearby school but then it was moved to ours and it wasn't as good. We won posters at the ring toss game. Mark got the Pope John Paul II and I got the Bee Gees which I wasn't happy about because I was not into them. My brother won a really nice Pink Panther stuffed animal at our friend Stacey's church carnival once. He regrets getting rid of it.

Friday, July 16, 2010

My Girl Scout Trip Dream

January 3, 2010

Aliens abducted me and put me in either a holodeck or recreation of an Earth setting on their planet. I was with my Girl Scout troop and we looked around 13 years old. I'm not sure what state that we were supposed to be in - maybe Florida or California. We were on a boat heading towards an island with a big aquarium on it. I saw harmless sharks and also dolphins in the ocean.

The boat started taking on water and there was damage to it somewhere. We were scared and prayed that we'd make it to the island before it sank. Luckily we made it there o'kay. Everyone got off the boat quickly but I couldn't move that fast. I wasn't feeling that good - maybe I was seasick. They didn't wait for me which was upsetting. When I did reach the enterance to this place I did not see my troop at all. How could they have gotten that far away from me?

I was mad about this but I decided not to let this spoil my enjoyment. I wasn't even scared about being abducted. There were alot of people here. Many tour groups, other Girl Scout troops and those on class trips. Each group seemed to have on matching colored jackets or shirts. I was looking for the yellow jackets of my troop and at one point thought that I had found them but it was just another group with the same colored jackets.

I was actually having fun looking at the animals especially the otters and the seals. You got to interact with some of them. I petted a baby otter and seal pup. There were also sea lions, walruses, penguins, turtles, dolphins and more. I went to a show in which some of the animals performed, including otters, dolphins and sea lions. It was nice.

Most of the exhibits were indoors. There were a few floors in this huge building. Of course on Earth no such place that I know about exists on such an island near these 2 states or any others. It still did upset me that my troop and 2 leaders didn't even notice that I was missing. Wouldn't they have made an announcement telling me to meet them in a certain area there if they had? Why should I even have cared - I was having a pretty good time on my own. Besides, they weren't real, just holograms or shapeshifters or both.I guess that a part of me was feeling lonely and wanted to share this fun time with others. Even when I was really a Girl Scout I always felt like an outsider.

I went on a submarine ride also but felt a bit claustrophobic in that. We saw fish, other sea creatures and plantlife. That lasted about 15 minutes. Afterwards I went to the souvenier shop and bought a few cute stuffed animals, beanie baby types - an otter, dolphin and seal pup. The weird thing was that on some of the tags of the animals were names of tennis players. Part of the proceeds were going towards charities that they supported. A pink seal had Safina's name and Davydenko's was on another - I forget which one.

I've always wanted to go to an aquarium. There's one in Camden but no way would I drive there . There's also a small one in Point Pleasant, I think, but even that's too far for me. Anything over 10 miles and in certain areas causes me great driving anxiety. Maybe in the afterlife I'll get to go to one. Even if I weren't afraid to drive I couldn't afford to go to one.

I wonder if I ever found my troop? Maybe they left without me. I wish that I could have a part 2 to this dream and many of my other dreams.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Favourite 70's songs Part 3

1. Could It Be I'm Falling In Love - Spinners
2. Rainy Days and Mondays - The Carpenters
3. Take It Easy - Eagles
4. When You're in Love With a Beautiful Woman- Dr. Hook
5. Lady Love - Lou Rawls
6. Gold - John Stewart
7. Have You Seen Her - The Chi-Lites
8. Kentucky Rain - Elvis (written by Eddie Rabbit)
9. Kiss an Angel Good Morning - Charlie Pride
10. Rose Garden - Lynn Anderson
11. Baby Come Back - Player
12. Killing Me Softly with His Song - Roberta Flack
13. Cold as Ice - Foreigner
14. Lady - Little River Band
15. You Are Everything - Stylistics
16. Diamond Girl - Seals and Croft
17. Dancing in the Moonlight - King Harvest
18. Southern Nights - Glenn Campbell
19. Brandy - You're a Fine Girl - Looking Glass
20. Wishin' You Were Here - Chicago
21. Lotta Love - Nicolette Larson
22. You Can Do Magic - America

Monday, July 12, 2010

Favourite Mom foods

We still have our slow cooker from the 1970's but it's only been used once since 1992. Mom made a beef dish in it and we called it the ugly meat that tastes good. Mom doesn't really make any of her recipes that we liked when we were kids anymore. One was called slop which was just ground beef in tomato sauce over rice or noodles. She would make us whatever we wanted on our birthdays. I'd usually picked stuffed peppers and my brother wanted lasagna.

Other favourites were coleslaw, potato salad, baked beans, meatloaf with tomato gravy, French toast, stufffed cabbage and Taylor ham and egg sandwiches. She made a chocolate mayonnaise cake that was moist and delicious. Our family friend Glen had a piece and loved it. When he asked for a second piece mom told him that there's mayonnaise in it and he said "but I don't like mayo" - he ate it anyway.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Bon Jovi Concert - July 9, 2010

My brother and I took the train to the stadium because it was easier than driving. The rail connection from Secaucus hasn't been around for that long and I wish it had been there for many years. The drive there was always so stressful for me.

We were both upset when they made us throw our umbrellas away. The girl said to put them in my car. She seemed annoyed that I was upset about this. I never usually bring an umbrella but because we were going by train and would be there 2 hours early I wanted to have it - the forecast was 40% rain. I had a rainhat for inside. I would not have used the umbrella in there. We were so lucky that it did not rain. It had a couple of times throughout the day.

I did not buy the souvenier book this time. It was 30.00. I have paid that for such books before but I was in a bad mood because of the umbrella incident and I figured that I'd rather have that money for a book and beanie baby at the US Open. The food prices were crazy. We brought a bagged meal that we ate outside the stadium. Mark did buy the Nathan's fries for 5.00 and a soda for 4.75 a few hours later though.

We were in the very last row at the very top of that stadium. It was a bit scary, moreso for my brother because he's afraid of heights. The stairs are so narrow. I did not even want to leave my seat to go to the bathroom which I did not until we got home at 1:40 a.m. There was a nice couple from upstate NY sitting next to us. This concert was his 40th b-day gift. Bon Jovi is his favourite group.

There was a band that I don't remember the name of before the opening act of Kid Rock. I only know 2 of his songs. He did a remake of Everyday People too which I did not care for. Not really a fan of his. The girl next to me didn't even know any of his songs. He came out on stage to do Old Time Rock and Roll with Bon Jovi later. They didn't start their performance until 9:30. Usually they are on stage by 9:00 but Kid Rock was out there for like 70 minutes and the other group for about 35.

The concert was great. They always put on a good show. I'm not like one of their devoted fans but I do enjoy their music sometimes. My brother listens to them more than I do. I'm the one who got him into them 7 years ago. I've only been a fan since 2000. It's My Life is what got me into them so of course I was happy when they did this one. We didn't stand much, only during certain songs like that and Bad Medicine. My brother likes that one alot.

The sucky thing is that the 4 big screens were either not working or they forgot to put them on. There were 3 screens by the stage but at our seat height and angle these were kind of hard to see. The three girls two rows ahead of us were blocking my view often so I had to look around them. I did use my brothers awesome binoculars sometimes. Maybe I should've used them more during certain songs. The screens did come on during the very last song - what's the point by then.

Jon injured himself during the next to last song. I think that he said that he pulled his calf muscle or something like that. He was jumping around and dancing alot as he always does. My brother didn't realize that this happened and thought that he was just being a ham. You could see the pain on his face as he was singing Livin' On a Prayer.

I'm beating myself up for not putting my purse on the seat until about the 5th song. I had a small purse on my like a sash and it was getting a bit uncomfortable when I was standing. They did a few of my favs then - Born To Be My Baby, Raise Your Hands and You Give Love a Bad Name. I hate that my memory of this time is mostly that pocketbook thing.

Why did Richie sing Lay Your Hands On Me. That was disappointing. I wouldn't have cared as much if he sang one of the power ballads - he did I'll Be There For You at a couple of the concerts that I was at. Mark still thinks that it's 5 times for me and I don't even want to tell him about the other 3 because he teases me enough about them. This was his third time.

Getting out of the stadium afterwards was very chaotic and slow. We had to rush to the train. I held his hand so we wouldn't lose track of one another. I have touching anxiety but in this case I wasn't minding. We just made that train and the one at Secaucus. Dad had driven us to Linden station because I was worried that I wouldn't be able to find a parking spot. I did see 4 of them there. We said that we probably wouldn't be home until 1:00 a.m. but he was already at the station and had been there for 2 hours. He thought it might be done earlier.

At first I regretted not bringing my camera but now I'm not. I really don't want a reminder of that stadium. Not that I'd be able to get good shots of the band - they'd be like ants on the stage even with the zoom. The concert was good but I don't like that place. The old stadium was better. I'm still mad about the umbrella - 6.00 for each in the trash. They should have a check place for stuff not permitted like they do at the Billie Jean King Tennis Center. The conductor never came around on the return trip so we didn't have to pay for tickets then but we still lost money because of this.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Elton John/Knight Rider Dream

May 1, 2009

I was at a party in a nice house and lots of my family were there. Elton John performed at it. Part of me was wishing that it was Bon Jovi or Duran Duran doing this. I wasn't really paying attention to him. I did so for a couple of songs. He did some more later on. I was feeling nervous being there. I took a nap for a little while. There were many rooms in this place. I was more scared of the social situation then the fact that I had been abducted by aliens. Not sure if I was on their planet or in their spaceship and if these were holograms or shape shifters.

I did become even more scared when I saw my Uncle B. there. Why did they make that bastard show up? It's upsetting even thinking about this guy who harrasssed me and blamed me for leading him on. I don't remember the details of this part of the dream and wish that I had just forgotten this entirely.

I was regretting not allowing myself to focus on the music. I did watch him do I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues. The aliens suddenly made the scene change. I was no longer at the party but in the car from Knight Rider - KITT and David Hasselhoff was driving it. Everyone did look younger in both settings like in most of my dreams.

There were a CD and a DVD player in KITT. I was thinking that this is kind of cool but also wondering why they put me in such a situation. Things weren't making much sense. We were driving through the countryside. I saw alot of character shaped balloons like ones in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. I saw the turkey first. I wish that I could remember some of the others.

We stopped at this house and it turns out that our family friends the Trescots lived there. David just dropped me off and left. My parents were also here. Mark and Glen were out on a walk. Paula was with her dad in the backyard. Dad wanted to go out there too but was too afraid to- not sure why. I think that he had had a disagreement with him a week earlier and was afraid to admit that he was wrong.

I was in the kitchen with mom and Kathy helping them with the dinner. It felt nice to be there. I was more comfortable here than at the other place. Maybe because this was a smaller get together. I wish that I could remember more about the bigger party. I think that I wanted to talk to my cousin Ellen about something- maybe mystery novels- but was afraid to do so.

Classic Horror Movies

I don't have that many happy memories of my Dad. He basically was distant and thought of himself as the King of the Household so most of them are negative. I do remember enjoying watching the horror movies of the 1930s with him. We liked Dracula, The Wolfman, The Mummy, Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein. I don't really associate with my Dad much and haven't since even a year or 2 before my parent's divorce in 1992. I can't help having this feeling that God is displeased with me because of this.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

I hate my new eyeglasses?

I had not been to the eye doctor in 5 years. I kept putting it off, using the money that I should have saved for this on fun stuff like clothes and CDs - that was very irresponsible and childish of me. Well, last month I finally had an eye exam and luckily my insurance covered that and the lenses. I only had to pay 20.00 for the frames but now I'm not so sure that I like the ones that I chose.

I first picked them out before I even had the exam. I took my brother there for his eye exam and while I was waiting looked at the frames. They had some very nice ones. The frame that I really liked was Rampage brand but they were pretty expensive so I went over to the cheaper section. I thought that the style that I chose was about the same size as the frame that I have but it wasn't until I actually got them that I noticed that they were bigger. It's not as if they are huge like the styles that I had in the 80's but I've had smaller ones the past 2 times so they look kind of big.

My prescription is strong - I'm terribly nearsighted. I've been wearing glasses since the third grade - around 1978. I can't really wear contacts. I wouldn't want to stick anything in my eye and I would probably be dropping and losing them alot. Seems like too much work to take care of them too. My mom had them in the 1980s.

It feels like these new frames are sliding down my nose alot. I can't really get them tightened again because the girl said if I do I might start getting headaches. Maybe I'll get used of the way these bigger frames feel and look and start liking them. I did such a good job of helping my brother pick out his frames - why did I screw up with mine?

I'm semi-obsessing about the Rampage frames. They would've cost 80.00 after Medicaid coverage. If I hadn't spent my money on the Bon Jovi concert ticket I could've gotten these. Do I really need to see them again? No - I'm mostly going because my brother wants to and he didn't want to go alone. Well, maybe a small part of me is excited about it, but glasses are more important than this.

Too Many Beauty Products

I am feeling so overwhelmed when looking at all the beauty products in stores. There are too many to choose from and I have tried so many that have not really worked for me. I liked Clinique but this is no longer in the budget and shouldn't have been- I was using money that should've been going into savings for more important things. I used this brand for a couple of years in the 2000's. 39. 50 just for the night cream. Why must there be one moisturizer for night and another for day? And there are products for different age brackets now - I guess I have to use the ones for the 40s now. Just thinking about all this makes my head feel like it's going to explode.

I have been using the Aveeno Positively ageless line for the past couple of years. It seems okay. But maybe I should switch to the Oil of Olay Regenerist line. I remember my grandmother next door used that brand but back then they only had a few products - now there are dozens. I have been using their anti-blemish cleanser. I probably will have wrinkles and pimples at the same time. So far, I only see fine lines under my eyes. People have told me that I look younger than I actually am but now that there are some grays in my hair they probably won't which is kind of depressing.

It's pretty discouraging that I've wasted so much money on products that don't work for me. The acne cream that I recently got says reduces pimples overnight in 99 percent of people - I must be the in the 1%. So many anti acne products too - wasn't it just Clearasil zit cream in the 70's? Mom told me that it's okay to squeeze pimples - so not right. That leaves scars. I've got plenty of those but this also happened even without doing that. I hate my nasty looking face.

I read so many articles about which are the best beauty products for your skin type. Many are definitely too expensive. Some are more affordable but it gets so confusing. I kind of get sick of seeing all the beautiful and perfect people in those magazines and in Hollywood. They've got plenty of money to spend to keep them young and pretty. I don't even bother wearing makeup anymore because I just look ridiculous in it. I better throw it all away - it's been around for too long. I went overboard on buying lipstick and have about 20 tubes of it.

I'd love to know which kind of beauty products that you like and if you can suggest anything affordable for me.

My Favourite Ice Cream

- Mint chocolate chip
- Maple walnut
- Haagen Dazs - Dark chocolate with peanut butter chunks
- Peach
- Chocolate chip
- Raspberry sherbert
- Strawberry yogurt
- Vanilla/chocolate swirl - soft serve
- Vanilla - when part of a root beer float or with a brownie
- Carvel ice cream cake
- Fudgesicles
- Creamsicles
- Chocolate eclairs
- Ice cream sandwiches

I usually like my ice cream in a cup and not a cone. I used to like the sugar cones sometimes though.

My Sticker Books #2

I'm glad that I didn't get rid of my sticker books. I had them in a storage tote for many years before I looked at them again. I hadn't remembered that I had so many stickers. I like the puffy and smelly ones alot. When I sniffed those about 7 years ago there was still a smell to them which was suprising to me. My favourite is the pancakes with maple syrup.

Friday, July 2, 2010

My Time Travel Dream

1999 or 2000

I am shifting throughout events in my past somehow, reliving these times but unable to change any mistakes or bad things. I am in my body at whatever age I was at then. These shifts happen at any time. One moment I could be watching a Yankees game in the present then all of a sudden I'm in my old apartment watching them but Don Mattingly is up at bat and not Tino Martinez - it is 1985. Or I'll be listening to the radio and a song like Hungry Like the Wolf is on and suddenly it's 1983 and I'm in my bedroom at that apartment. I could be stuck in the past for minutes, hours or days. and I don't always come back to the present but when I do it is as if no time has passed.

It is like my spirit goes into my body at a certain age but I'm only able to witness things which is frustrating because there are times that I wish that I could react differently like when somebody was picking on me in school and I'd love to have a good comeback line that would show them how stupidly they are acting and they'd leave me alone. Imagine if I could change things but if I did have that ability I might mess things up like if I didn't allow myself to fall into the eating disorder problem I would have never met my friend Carolyn in the hospital.

It would be so nice if I could make it so that I'd get Mom and I to take Ginger to the vet's without Dad knowing then he wouldn't have been there to have her put to sleep because he didn't want to even spend the money to find out why she was sick. Would I even have been able to change this upsetting incident - maybe not. She probably only needed medicine. I don't think that I was even with them that day.

It is hard having to witness the sad and scary moments all over again but when it's a happy time it is nice. I have no idea what is causing me to time travel or when it will stop. I'm never in the future. Maybe some alien race is responsible for this.

Another time that I revisit is when I was disco dancing in our basement with my brother and our friends Suzy and Jenny in 1979. I was wearing hand-me-downs from my cousin Joyce - a short black skirt and a yellow sleeveless top with the letters YES on the top right hand side of it. At the time I had no idea that this is the name of a rock group. Suzy fell down and hit her head on the coffee table. Mark had been holding a flashlight and moving it around like it was the lighting in a club. Donna Summer was on the radio.

Some of these "trips" happen when I am listening to certain songs presently and then I go back to the year that they were big hits. Maybe the aliens are doing this because they have been observing me and saw that I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything in my life and also feel hopeless. Maybe this won't stop until I come up with some goals and work at acheiving them which seems impossible now. Perhaps it will keep happening so much that I'll lose touch with reality and have to be commited to a hospital. I hope not. There was no real conclusion to my dream. I was wishing that there would be a Part 2 to this.
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