June 10- Crushes

I remember playing Truth or Dare at Nancy’s birthday/slumber party in 6^th grade and instead of admitting who I had a crush on I drank out of the dog’s dish for the dare.

    Dad took a picture of me with 2 of my crushes after 8^th grade graduation. Obviously, Mike told him about them but I’m not quite sure how he found out. Did I write about this in my diary and he read it or did he overhear me telling Kim or mom about them?  I don’t remember ever doing either. I would not have admitted this to him, would I? Whatever- it’s so embarrassing that Dad did that.

   My other crush told me not to stare at him anymore sometime in the 7^th grade. This has often been on my mind when I have looked at cute guys since then. I realize that this sounds ridiculous but I can’t help it. Amy and Sharon always tell me that it is perfectly fine for me to be doing so but I don’t know if I can make myself believe this. 

    Mike told me that in the mid-90s a neighborhood boy, Stephen, who used to hang out with him sometimes at our house, had a crush on me which I found hard to believe. But then in about 2000 when I was walking around town with my boyfriend we saw Stephen in his yard and while we were talking to him he told me so himself.

   Shouldn’t I have been flattered? I was thinking how strange it was to hear this. He’s 4 or 5 younger than me. That was in the mid-80s; I looked so dorky then- bad hairdos and big glasses. I’ve been wearing glasses since the 3^rd grade.

 

Books About The 1980s

I ordered both of these books from the amazon.com site a couple of years ago. I first saw the Totally Awesome 80's one at a bookstore back in the mid 1990s and kind of regretted not getting it then. My library actually had The Best of Smash Hits and a few weeks after I took this out I decided to look into purchasing it. I never did buy that magazine back in the 1980s but I did get some issues of it from ebay shortly after getting this book. I guess that I was making up for the fact that I was never like my classmates going ga-ga over Duran Duran and other performers back then. I was too busy studying and reading to care about teen idols, MTV and all that. It's kind of embarrassing that I didn't go through my boy crazy phase until my mid 30's. I did have little crushes on Tom Selleck and the baseball player Don Mattingly but it seemed tame compared to how crazy the girls were going over guys like Rick Springfield and all those other idols that were in Tiger Beat and those other teenie-bopper mags.

A Funny Book

I first saw this book at the Virgin Megastore in NYC back in November of 2007 about 2 hours before a concert of a group that is actually in it - Duran Duran. I was thinking that I can't believe that I'd actually be seeing them in person soon but also wishing that I had been into them in the 80's and could see them as they looked in the picture. I thought about buying this but passed on it. I was there a few months later but the book was not. It was about a year after this that I was looking at books on Amazon and found and ordered it. I can't help but laugh a little about these male idols of the 70's and 80's. Tom Selleck was definitely one of my crushes in the 80's. Who were some of yours? I included a picture of the back of this book because it has a list of some of the stars in it and I just had to include that goofy photo of Hasselhoff in this post.

2009 US Open

I have only been following the tennis since the second week of the 2006 US Open. I didn't really know that much about it and used to think that it was boring but I was depressed about my mom being in the hospital and put the TV on to take my mind off of this. I wanted to watch The Price Is Right and was mad that the tennis was on but part of me was thinking give it a chance - well, mostly I left it on because I was thinking that the two players were kind of cute. One was an American, Robbie Ginepri and the other a German, Tommy Haas. After this event, I was thinking that there wouldn't be any more tennis until late spring so I really wasn't paying attention to sports. I felt so stupid when I found out that I had missed the Australian Open and other events. I did see the last few days of the French Open 2007.

I really wanted to go to the US Open in 2007 only my anxiety problem kept me from doing so as it did in 2008. I finally got over my fears and my brother and I went to the first 4 days of that event in 2009. If I hadn't gone into the city to see Federer at a charity event maybe I still would have been too scared to go. We didn't get the tickets until a few days before the event. I had never ordered tickets on line or printed them out before. I was so glad that tickets were still available.

I have good memories of being at the US Open then but also the memories of some of the stupid things that I did haunt me. I have been better at letting all that go these days and am focusing on the fact that I was brave and didn't let fear prevent me from going and also am thinking how lucky we were to be there. We were at 4 matches in Armstrong stadium on that Wednesday which was the best day there. We saw Pennetta v. Mirza, Safin v. Melzer, Bartoli v. Clijsters and Del Potro v. Monaco. I could have gotten Safin's autograph when he was practicing but was too afraid to. My brother did get me another Russian guy's autograph the next day - Davydenko.

I went to 2 Tommy Haas matches. The first one I was sitting real close on the outside bleachers exactly where I wanted to be only I listened to the guy next to me who said it was better to be on the inside. I regretted moving even like 20 minutes later. I probably could've gone back outside and gotten closer than the 6 rows up that I was on the inside but my idiot voice said it was too late and I had to stay where I was. My camera battery ran out just as the match ended so I was unable to get a photo of him leaving the court. I am embarrased to admit that I ran out of there just to get close to him. Originally I only planned on going 3 days to this event but I added a fourth just because I wanted to see Haas again.

The photo is of Tommy Haas at his second round match against Kendrick which he won in 3 sets. I was sitting pretty close there only my brother was in another section because we were dense and didn't listen to the 2 nice people who we were talking to as we waited an hour before the tennis center opened. They said that the closer seats on the one side were for grounds pass people and not reserved but I asked an employee inside and she said they were. Why did I believe her? She must've misunderstood me.15 - 20 minutes later I asked another employee and he said that we could sit over there. I forgot to ask my brother for the binoculars -I would have had a great view of Haas if I had those. His seat was on the opposite side of where I was. I'm still ashamed that I was going a little ga-ga over him.

I saw 4 or 5 other matches. On the last night we were watching Kohlschreiber but we left after the 3rd set which we regretted. I don't know why we just didn't stay for the whole thing. Oh well, we aren't too bright, I suppose. Mark was happy that he got to see his girls and despite some of the stupid things that I did I enjoyed being at this event that for a couple of years that I was afraid to go to. Yes, I was still feeling anxious about being around so many people but I managed to do okay with that and even socializing with them. I sat next to a nice guy who looked a bit like James Blake at the Tsonga match on day 2. He was from Canada. I only took 3 pictures at that match. I didn't do the match hopping like alot of people do at this event so they can see more players that way. I would have liked to have seen more of my guys like Ferrer.

Mark and I were exhausted after these 4 days. We were up by 5 a.m. and out until like between 9 and 10 pm. It was well worth it though and we said that we would definitely be getting tickets for the next year's US Open like shortly after they went on sale which we did - actually I got them the first day. I had been having this bad feeling even like right afterwards that Haas would not be there then and unfortunately I was right. Safin had retired the year before not long after that event. I'm trying not to think about the fact that I wish that I had gone in 2007 and 2008 and I would have gotten to see more of my 2 favs in person. I can't belive that I used to think that tennis is boring.

Colin Firth

I don't go to the movies much but last weekend I saw The King's Speech which I really enjoyed. I was going to wait until it came out on DVD but decided to see it in Cranford Theater. I have liked Colin Firth ever since I first saw him in Pride and Prejudice on A&E in 1995. Even my brother was watching some of that. They showed it on PBS last year and I watched it again. I haven't seen him in that many movies. Love, Actually and Bridget Jones Diary and it's sequel are the only other ones but when I was looking him up on Wikipedia I noticed many other movies of his that I would like to see. I also saw that he had been in Circle of Friends which I had seen but didn't notice him then. I think at the time I rented it I had a little crush on Chris O'Donnell. I kind of want to see this again just to check out Colin. He definitely is very talented and cute too. I hope that he wins the Golden Globe award - I think that's on tonight.

My First Bon Jovi concert

I really did not get into Bon Jovi music until 2000 when their song It's My Life came out. I never understood why everybody was going so ga-ga over them when I was in high school. My classmates even voted on Never Say Goodbye as the prom song. It seems odd that I did have a Jon Bon Jovi poster on my wall. I won it at either one of those carnival or boardwalk ring toss games, part of me must've thought that he was kind of cute. I wanted to go to one of the shows on the Crush tour in 2000 but the ones in NJ were sold out so my boyfriend and I went to the one in Philadelphia. I think that it was called the First Union Center then. It was on November 10th.

Our seats were high up so I rented binoculars to get a better view. Of course there were screens too but I didn't look at them much - maybe I should have done so more. The two people in front of us stood up during a few songs but I didn't really feel like getting up so I was looking around them. One of the songs was Livin' On A Prayer. It was a good show besides that. I was a little disappointed that they didn't do Thank You For Loving Me though. During one of the songs he danced with a pretty girl for a bit, she must've been a contest winner. I think it was Bed of Roses.

Mike bought me the souvenier program. Near the center we had to stop for gas. I saw a stray doggie and was feeling so sad about that - this happens to be my most vivid memory of the night. I do get so emotional about animals. I have a vague memory of having some sort of steak sandwhich with a very salty sauce or gravy on it at the center. I was hoping that I'd get to go to another Bon Jovi concert someday. I'm glad that I went to their website and wrote down the set list.

Scrapbook Stuff 1

I was looking through one of my many scrapbooks the other day and seeing this made me both happy and sad. I miss our sunshine spaniel. This is my favourite scrapbook because it has mostly spaniels in it. I have another one with other doggies like golden retrievers. My brother says that I have too many scrapbooks. I had more stuff in them but over the years got rid of some of this. I was thinking of throwing out some more like from the TV ones. I would never throw out any of my animal pictures and articles though. Other scrapbooks that I have - about 4 tennis, classic actors, 70's - 90's TV, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, James Franco, British TV, Don Mattingly, Duran Duran, Bon Jovi, Travel, Concerts and Events, personal and more also. I use the 1 , 2 or 3 inch binders and put sheet protector pages in them. Maybe some people might think that doing this is kind of teenagish but I enjoy it.

My Disco/Franco dream

I dreamt that aliens abducted me and made me look younger - around 23. There was a shape shifting alien that made himself look like James Franco also at this age. The aliens had been observing me and knew everything that I like. I was wearing a dress that looked like a pink one that I had when I was a kid. We were sent back in time to the late 70's and were in a disco club in NYC. Last Dance by Donna Summer was playing and we were dancing to this. They gave me the ability to dance well too. I'm so bad at this in real life. I was having such a good time and wasn't even scared that I was with an alien.

My Jon Bon Jovi poster

I really was not into Bon Jovi music back in the 80's but I did have this poster hanging in my room along with the Riptide one. I did not buy it. I won it at one of those ring toss games on the boardwalk. I forget where - could've been Keansburg or maybe Seaside. I must have thought that he was kind of cute otherwise I would not have put this on my wall. I had it up there for a couple of years in the 80s and threw it out by the mid 90s. I got this 8x10 at a flea market in the late 90s. He looked so much better when I first got into their music in 2000. He definitely was on my cute guy list then.

My 80's crush

My brother used to tease me alot about my crush on Don Mattingly. I enjoyed watching the Yankees games with him in the 80's. That crush ended in the early 90's but my brother still teases me about him. My dad got me the 1984 Topp's baseball card but it was stolen from me by a boyfriend 12 years later and I'm still mad about this. I got another one but it's slightly flawed. I should've been more careful when buying it at the flea market. Sometimes I wonder why I even thought that he was cute. I guess my tastes have changed - not really into guys with facial hair that much anymore.

My Real Life Crush

I was at the grocery store this morning and part of me was so glad to see that the cute guy that I've had a crush on for the past 8 years was working today. I can't help feeling embarrased that I go a bit ga-ga over him. He looks a little like that country singer Tim McGraw. I get kind of disappointed when he's not there which seems rather ridiculous to me.

I thought that I saw him smiling at me once 8 years ago but part of me was thinking that there's no way that someone that cute would want to even look at you. Very low self esteem. I convinced myself that I must have been imagining this. Now I'm thinking what if I had smiled back - maybe we would've eventually talked to one another and even gone on a date and perhaps become a couple. Yeah, right. Keep dreaming.

I wish that my fascination with this guy would end already. It's sort of annoying and depressing. I just can't see myself involved with any guy. He does look younger than me, maybe early 30s. Not that this matters to me , although I'm picturing my brother calling me a cougar which I'm tired of hearing. I'm sure that the cute guy must have a girlfriend or even a wife.

Oh how I hate some of the dirty thoughts that I've had about him. Sometimes I wish that he'd accidentally bump into me which seems absurd. I'm even ashamed that I get happy when I see him. I'm trying to work on the shame/guy issue with my therapist but so far I haven't made much progress there.

Mom forgot the potatoes so I volunteered to go back for them. It's so bad that part of the reason that I did so was because I was hoping to get the chance to see the cute guy again. Darn, how disappointing that he wasn't in his department near the deli counter. I hope that he hasn't seen me checking him out for this might creep him out.

My Crushes

These are 2 of my crushes from the 80's and early 90's. I was never into any of the teen idols like my classmates were. I never understood why they made such a big deal out of them. I have this clear memory of being on the grade school playground and 3 or 4 of the girls going ga-ga over the guys in Duran Duran. I guess that I liked the much older guys back then. It wasn't until the mid 90s that I could understand what they saw in them. I had a couple of Tom Selleck posters on my wall. I would sometimes debate which character of Harrison Ford that I liked better - Indiana Jones or Han Solo. I think that the former usually won this inner debate.

Boy crazy phase

I didn't really go through a boy crazy phase in my preteen and teen years. I did have some crushes but they weren't as intense as the ones that I had in my mid - late 30s which is pretty embarrasing. James Franco and John Taylor were defintely on the top of the cute guy list. I'm just glad that I'm over this phase.

I showed my therapist my Duran Duran concert photos from 2008 and she looked at one and said that he kind of looks like James Franco. It's weird that I was thinking the same thing when I first noticed that JF is cute in 20o5. Maybe part of me wanted someone younger to replace JT with nowadays. That is so mean.

My thoughts are that once you are over 40 you are no longer in the hot category. There are some exceptions up to the mid 40s like Jon Bon Jovi. After this I consider a guy good looking. Maybe this isn't very nice of me but I just can't picture a man of a certain age as being hot. I wonder if guys think this about girls too?

James Garner

I loved James Garner in The Rockford Files and in those Polaroid commercials with Mariette Hartley. Some of his movies that I enjoy are The Great Escape, The Thrill of It All and Move Over, Darling with Doris Day, Boys Night Out, Support Your Local Sheriff, Support Your Local Gunfighter and Murphy's Romance. Another one for my classic cute guy list too.

Gregory Peck

My favourite classic actor. I liked him in To Kill a Mockingbird, Spellbound, Roman Holiday, The Keys of the Kingdom and The Guns of Navarone. I only saw the first 15 minutes of Gentleman's Agreement. I really should rent or take this out of the library and also watch some more of his films. He's definitely on my classic cute guys list.

Top 10 Cute Guy rankings

I was looking through my journal and in the entry from August 30,2009 found that rankings list that I am embarrased that I even came up with. This seems so teenagish! I had a couple of other such lists in another journal- at one time Jon Bon Jovi was #2.

1. James Franco
2. John Taylor
3. Marat Safin
4. Tommy Haas
5. Jensen Ackles
6. David Boreanaz
7. Milo Ventimiglia
8. Jon Bon Jovi
9. Tom Welling
10. Orlando Bloom

I even added a plus 5 to this one, which makes it more ridiculous.
11. Alex O'Loughlin
12.Hugh Jackman
13. Jeffrey Donovan
14.George Eads
15. Justin Hartley

I was thinking about the silly crushes that I had in the 80s-mid 90s. Tom Selleck, Harrison Ford, Don Mattingly, Perry King, Lee Horsley, Bruce Boxlietner and a few others. I was never into the teen heart-throbs that most girls my age were such as the guys in Duran Duran, Rob Lowe, Matt Dillon, Kevin Bacon, etc..

My grandmother thought that I had a crush on Michael J. Fox just because I liked Back To The Future. She even brought me one of those teenie bopper mags with him on the cover. I kept it for a little while but it eventually got tossed out. Unfortunately, I put the Back To The Future poster in that one instead of the official souvenier magazine by accident so I no longer have that.

I had a scrapbook that I bought at a fleamarket about the time that I first started getting into Duran Duran which was 1993. There were alot of nice John Taylor photos in it. I went through a purging of my scrapbook stuff phase a few years later so that and some my 80s-early 90s items went into the trashcan. I kind of regret this.

I feel rather foolish for having my cute guys scrapbooks now at my age. I'm pretty much over my semi-obsessive Duran Duran/John Taylor phase, thank goodness. I don't want to part with the books, magazines and various other things that I ordered on ebay though. It is a bit embarrasing that I went so bonkers over them. I guess I was making up for not being into them in the 80s. I never understood back then why the girls were going so crazy over that group but now I can see why.