I was at the grocery store this morning and part of me was so glad to see that the cute guy that I've had a crush on for the past 8 years was working today. I can't help feeling embarrased that I go a bit ga-ga over him. He looks a little like that country singer Tim McGraw. I get kind of disappointed when he's not there which seems rather ridiculous to me.
I thought that I saw him smiling at me once 8 years ago but part of me was thinking that there's no way that someone that cute would want to even look at you. Very low self esteem. I convinced myself that I must have been imagining this. Now I'm thinking what if I had smiled back - maybe we would've eventually talked to one another and even gone on a date and perhaps become a couple. Yeah, right. Keep dreaming.
I wish that my fascination with this guy would end already. It's sort of annoying and depressing. I just can't see myself involved with any guy. He does look younger than me, maybe early 30s. Not that this matters to me , although I'm picturing my brother calling me a cougar which I'm tired of hearing. I'm sure that the cute guy must have a girlfriend or even a wife.
Oh how I hate some of the dirty thoughts that I've had about him. Sometimes I wish that he'd accidentally bump into me which seems absurd. I'm even ashamed that I get happy when I see him. I'm trying to work on the shame/guy issue with my therapist but so far I haven't made much progress there.
Mom forgot the potatoes so I volunteered to go back for them. It's so bad that part of the reason that I did so was because I was hoping to get the chance to see the cute guy again. Darn, how disappointing that he wasn't in his department near the deli counter. I hope that he hasn't seen me checking him out for this might creep him out.
Phil Collins: "In The Air Tonight"
1 week ago