Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Stressed Out

My brother's computer wasn't working for the past few days which was frustrating because I missed blogging and reading blogs. The fact that I enjoy doing this seems to annoy my brother which makes me feel very depressed and angry. We had an arguement about this on Sunday. He is very self-centered and accused me of spending too much time on his computer. When I tried to stand up for myself he just verbally abused me as he always does in such a situation.

I don't really spend that much time on it. It just takes me a long time to type. He has the same problem yet he won't be understanding towards me. He's this way about alot of things. He is considerate of everyone else but his own sister and mother. It's pathetic that the three of us have to live together because of financial reasons.

Neither he nor my mother drive. They have licenses but are unable to because their meds make them drowsy and have other side effects. So I am the family chauffeur. I am still making payments on my car which costs a hell of alot more than his computer so he shouldn't be complaining about me using his computer. I tried reasoning with him but he said something like"Well you have to drive us places, you don't have to use a computer that much" In his eyes I am the illogical physcobitch.

It is very stressful living with someone like this. I am using the computer now because he is not home. I guess from now on it'll have to be this way which is so unfair. I'm just afraid that one of these days he is going to change the password. God, how I wish that I could afford my own computer.

Does God think that I'm a terrible person for having mean thoughts about him? I am the complete opposite of him. He is very loud and talks alot. I'm quiet. I am a pretty considerate person. If I see that he's reading or watching TV I won't interrupt him like he does to me. My stuff isn't that important according to him. He needs to be the center of attention. Family therapy definitely didn't help- he just got worse. He doesn't believe that he's doing anything wrong.

I could go on and on about how stressful it is living in this enviornment but I would like to move on and read some blogs to cheer me up. Next time I will try to be more positive. I don't know when that will be. He's usually not around during the day on Friday, so maybe then. I doubt that he'll ever read this. I do have a link here on my facebook page and he's one of my friends. I don't even care anymore. Well, part of me is a little worried. My head hurts so much from all the tension.


Anonymous said...

Sorry about the problems you are having with your brother. Maybe someone else can talk to him about this stuff, since he doesn't listen to you. Good luck.

Chelly said...

Sending lots of good wishes to you. You seem like a patient and caring person who looks after her family. Here's hoping you have happier days ahead. You deserve it. :)

LaraAnn said...

Thank you both for your concern and kind words - it helps a bit knowing that someone is on my side.I'm not sure if anyone can reason with him though.

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