Pictures

I've never really been that good at taking photographs. I also used to not take that many of them, something that I really regret especially during vacations to Spain, Germany and Switzerland. I don't know why I didn't take more - maybe I was afraid I'd appear too touristy, which is ridiculous. It's not like I'm ever going to be able to afford to go to those places again. I was lucky enough to have such oppurtunities when I was in my late teens and early 20s.

I love looking in my family albums. It's kind of funny seeing the different fashions and hairstyles throughout the years. Mom would let my brother and I pick out which pictures that we wanted for our albums. We usually wound up with the best shots. My brother did something very foolish in the late 80s or early 90s- he threw away most of his pictures. We were so mad that he didn't give them to us. You can't replace these. Well, I was able to get copies of some but we didn't have all the negatives. My father has them and he won't lend them to us. This pisses me off. He has negatives from my Switzerland trip. This is so unfair.

I didn't get a digital camera until December 13, 2008. I wasn't really that interested in one. I liked my 35mm camera. It's kind of embarrasing that the main reason that I got this was because I was going to a Duran Duran concert the next day and part of me wanted to take pictures of this event. I knew that I'd be close to the stage because it was general admission and I planned on getting there a few hours early. I am mad at myself for going overboard with the snapshots and for not realizing that the battery would die out quickly. A girl told me that she always brings a spare battery with her. Very smart.

I have taken lots of pictures of my cocker spaniel Buffy with this camera. I hadn't taken any pictures since Christmas of 2004 and regret not doing so. I didn't take that many puppy pictures of her which was stupid. She was the cutest puppy. I wish that I had taken alot of pictures of Ginger. We had her from 1979-1986. I only have like 14 of her.

We had a Polaroid camera too. Dad still has one that he got in the 90s. I liked the old Polaroid commercials with James Garner and Mariette Hartley. Kodak came out with an Instamatic that we had but we had to turn them in eventually. I forget exactly what the deal was with that. We got checks or credit for them. My dad took my Kodak 110 camera too. I wish that mom had hidden this and our negatives during the divorce so he wouldn't have found and taken them.

It took me a while to figure out how to get copies of photos from the Walgreens site but I finally did so a few months ago. I had alot of US Open photos. I went overboard there too- mostly at the 2 Tommy Haas matches. I tried scanning my old family photos into the computer so I could get copies of these either through Walgreens or trying to print them out myself but they are too small. I don't understand why they are like this and don't think there is a way to make them bigger. I'm not that good with computers. I guess that I will just have to make copies of them on the printer. Our printer is kind of screwy so I have to be careful because I don't want to waste the expensive special photo paper.

Reading used to be so much fun

I have not been able to truly enjoy reading for a long time - it just seems like a major effort for me. I have the following problems- inability to visualize things that are being described, remembering what I've read, losing track of which character is speaking and also understanding some of what I've read. It is very frustrating especially because I used to be such an avid reader. I could finish a book quickly in those days too. Now I have to read some parts over again and still have the problems that I mentioned.

It took me 6 months to get through a Murder She Wrote book that normally would take me only a couple of days. That was 6 years ago- I got so frustrated that I just gave up reading novels entirely. Even getting through newspaper and magazine articles is difficult. Last December I decided to give reading books another try and found that I was able to finish one in about 3 days and didn't beat myself up too much about the problems that I have. It was another Murder She Wrote novel. I managed to catch up on those within two months. I think there was about 1o of them.

I am on the Jonathan Kellerman books now and just started Evidence. Another thing that makes it hard for me to read is the fact that my rude brother interrupts me alot and seems to get annoyed when I try asking him not to do so. He needs quiet when he reads too but can't seem to show the same consideration for me. Even when I'm in my room he yells up to me or is talking loudly to mom or has his music on loud.

I love my mystery novels and have so many to read. I left off with P in the Sue Grafton series. I don't even remember the last ones that I read by Mary Higgins Clark and others. I didn't see I, Cross by James Patterson in the library and hope that it's there soon.

My aunt suggested that I try MC Beaton- I think that's the name. In the past I've read authors that she mentioned and enjoyed them- Martha Grimes, Elizabeth George and PD James. My grandmother got me into Agatha Christie. I got my mom into these authors and Kellerman and Patterson.

I just wish that I could love reading like I used to. I have such great memories of all the books that I've read, especially ones from my childhood like the Little House on the Prarie series and Bobbsey Twins.

Favourite Disco Songs

I was in the mood for disco music last night so I put the mix tape that I made into my walkman. I'm no longer ashamed to say that I like some of this type of music and don't care that alot of people think that disco sucks. It brings back good childhood memories like the time my brother, 2 friends and I were dancing to Donna Summer in my basement.

1. Good Times - Chic
2. Could It Be Magic - Donna Summer
3. He's The Greatest Dancer - Sister Sledge
4. Upside Down - Diana Ross
5. Rock the Boat - The Hues Corporation
6. Ladies Night - Kool & The Gang
7. Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now - McFadden & Whitehead
8. Boogie, Oogie, Oogie - A Taste of Honey
9. Jive Talkin' - The Bee Gees
10. Ring My Bell - Anita Ward
11. Don't Leave Me This Way - Thelma Houston
12. Fly Robin, Fly - Silver Convention
13. More, More, More - Andrea True Connection
14. I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor

These are the main ones that come to mind. I'm sure that there are more that I like. Come To Me is on my Pure Disco CD. I like that too - didn't know it was considered disco. It was on a K-Tel album that I had - Wings of Sound.

Boyfriends

Do I really want a new boyfriend? I always have this internal debate about this subject. I haven't had one since December of 2001. He dumped me just before my birthday. I wish that I had dumped him first because I could see that we were drifting apart even 6 months before this. He didn't call me for like 3 weeks once and was spending alot more time with his friends.

I've been in few relationships before this and personally would like to forget about them. Sometimes I'd like to pretend that I never even had any boyfriends at all. The friendship part of them was okay. I just never did get fully into the romance/intimate part of them. I did try but maybe I just don't have the ability to have those type of emotions.

I did have a boyfriend that I was not attracted to physically and I let him know this and he said that this was fine. It was stupid and naive of me to believe this. Eventually his true feelings came out- he believed that once I got over my eating disorder- anorexia- that I would love him in that certain way. I was also an idiot for taking him back 3 times over a 9 year period. I must've been desperate for a friend and because of my social anxiety didn't really have anyone else. He sometimes played mind games with me but I don't want to be remembering that now.

I did have one boyfriend that was very nice to me. We met in a record store. He was going to college in Philly. I visited him there once. I never even got intimate with him and we only dated for about 3 months, maybe 4. I feel really bad because one day when he called I did something very stupid. Instead of just not answering the phone because I didn't feel up to talking to anyone then, I pretended to be my mother and said that Lara's not home. He didn't let on that he knew that it was me but I could tell that he really wasn't buying this. He never called me again after that. Maybe part of my brain did this because I was afraid of getting closer to someone nice when I had been involved with not so nice guys before.

One of my boyfriends actually was going to ask me to move in with him. He told me this on the day that I broke up with him. I'm pretty sure that I told him that I was getting back together with my old boyfriend. I probably should not have said that. And I definitely shouldn't have hooked up with Mr Mind Games again.

I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 21. The first one turned out to be a real jerk. I found out that he had another girlfriend at the same time. I felt so awful and wished that I had not done those naughty things with him on only the second date. Looking back, I feel like such a slut.

I have some guy issues because of incidents that happened with an uncle when I was 15 - 16. He was harrasing me and said that he loved me and we went to court over this but all that's too personal so I won't get into it. I'm sure that this is part of the reason that I have such issues. I know that I should get over them but it's hard to do so.

I have very low self esteem so I can't see where any guy would ever be interested in a plain looking loser like me. I feel embarrased to even be looking at cute guys. I saw one in the supermarket today and looked at him really quickly then put my head down and was thinking that I hope that he didn't see me looking at him. I had a crush on a boy in grade school. One time he told me not to stare at him anymore. It's crazy that this is still in my head but I can't help it. Yes, I do go to therapy to work on my issues.

I feel so embarrased that I have dirty thoughts and dreams and wish that I could kill that side of me and just be neutral about guys. I call that part of me my bad side. She often wishes that she could have a boyfriend and I try to convince her that I don't need one of those. My head hurts sometimes from trying to defeat that part of me. I must sound like a very strange girl.

My Only Nightclub Experience

I never was that interested in going to a nightclub, but last year a small part of me did want to see what it was like and I had an oppurtunity to go to one in NYC . There was a get together of DD fans that I read about at a fan site and I thought that it might be fun. I did almost chicken out though because of my social anxiety and the fear of going into the city alone.

I had only been to the downtown area once before with a boyfriend in the early 90s. I went to a site to get directions. I took the train into Penn Station. The subway line that I was supposed to take was closed so I had to overcome my fears and ask someone what to do. The lady was very nice. I thought that I'd have trouble finding the club but I didn't. I was there like an hour early so I went to McDonald's and had some juice.

I met some nice people at the party only I'm bad with names so I forget most of theirs except for Stacey and Paula because I used to have friends with those names. I remember them in other ways- kitty cat girl, nice necklace girl, Florida girl and DC girl. Everybody was nice but I was still feeling very nervous.

The music was very loud. It was mostly 1980s music. I heard about 12 Duran Duran songs. It was hard talking to people over that noise and it was hurting my ears. I felt like I ran out of gas in the socializing department after about 2 hours. I sat down on the comfy bench like chairs built against the wall and wrote in my journal. Part of me wanted to rejoin the party but I was feeling tired and like an outsider. Everybody was drinking alcohol which I don't like to do. After about an hour I decided that I should just leave. I didn't even say goodbye to anybody.

I left the club and was crying a little. Part of me wanted to go back inside. The bouncer saw that I was upset and asked me if I was okay. I told him how I was feeling. He said some things that made me feel a little better, like if you do decide to go back inside to take off that ridiculous rain hat. I wanted to catch the 12:40 train- the next one wouldn't be until like 4 am.

I guess that clubs are not my scene. Maybe it would have been better if I had never even gone but then again, I might have regretted that decision.

Stressed Out

My brother's computer wasn't working for the past few days which was frustrating because I missed blogging and reading blogs. The fact that I enjoy doing this seems to annoy my brother which makes me feel very depressed and angry. We had an arguement about this on Sunday. He is very self-centered and accused me of spending too much time on his computer. When I tried to stand up for myself he just verbally abused me as he always does in such a situation.

I don't really spend that much time on it. It just takes me a long time to type. He has the same problem yet he won't be understanding towards me. He's this way about alot of things. He is considerate of everyone else but his own sister and mother. It's pathetic that the three of us have to live together because of financial reasons.

Neither he nor my mother drive. They have licenses but are unable to because their meds make them drowsy and have other side effects. So I am the family chauffeur. I am still making payments on my car which costs a hell of alot more than his computer so he shouldn't be complaining about me using his computer. I tried reasoning with him but he said something like"Well you have to drive us places, you don't have to use a computer that much" In his eyes I am the illogical physcobitch.

It is very stressful living with someone like this. I am using the computer now because he is not home. I guess from now on it'll have to be this way which is so unfair. I'm just afraid that one of these days he is going to change the password. God, how I wish that I could afford my own computer.

Does God think that I'm a terrible person for having mean thoughts about him? I am the complete opposite of him. He is very loud and talks alot. I'm quiet. I am a pretty considerate person. If I see that he's reading or watching TV I won't interrupt him like he does to me. My stuff isn't that important according to him. He needs to be the center of attention. Family therapy definitely didn't help- he just got worse. He doesn't believe that he's doing anything wrong.

I could go on and on about how stressful it is living in this enviornment but I would like to move on and read some blogs to cheer me up. Next time I will try to be more positive. I don't know when that will be. He's usually not around during the day on Friday, so maybe then. I doubt that he'll ever read this. I do have a link here on my facebook page and he's one of my friends. I don't even care anymore. Well, part of me is a little worried. My head hurts so much from all the tension.

Prom Time

I saw a report on the news last night about proms and it just brought back some unpleasant memories of my junior and senior proms. I kind of wish that I hadn't even gone to both of them. I didn't have a boyfriend so I had to be set up by friends of the family. I don't even remember if I was even that thrilled about going- maybe I only did so because I didn't want to feel like I missed out on these events.

Junior prom 1986- our family friend Paula set me up with a classmate of hers. She was a year ahead of me. His name was Billy and he looked a little like Duckie from Pretty In Pink. The prom song was Phil Collins' One More Night. A girl friend of his went with a classmate of mine and most of the night the two of them talked. I can't even remember if I danced with Billy. I might have but just for a bit.

Senior prom 1987- I went with the son of a coworker of my mother. He was in his early 20's or maybe it was closer to mid. I was feeling pretty uncomfortable the whole night. An aquaintance of mine said that he was cute and I think I did dance with him for like a minute. The song was Bon Jovi's Never Say Goodbye. There was a get together at the school afterwards but I was feeling like crap and we only stayed about 10 minutes. I was so glad when the night was over.

My dresses from these events were in my aunt's attic for many years. I think that I told her that she could take them to the thrift shop eventually. The junior year one was like a Southern Belle style. I think that the brand was Jessica McClintock or something like that. It was pink. The senior year one was like a long, sleeveless evening gown and was black. I looked at the pictures in my album recently and was thinking that I look ridiculous especially because of my hairstyle. It was short and very high both times.

Part of me wishes that I had a real boyfriend in high school and that I could have enjoyed myself at these events but another part of me is sticking with the "Proms are so stupid" belief. I guess that if you were popular and/or liked high school then prom time was a special event. I was a complete dork back then and still am. I really hate even thinking about my high school days but sometimes such memories pop up into my head.

Commercials

I don't like most commercials from nowadays, especially the car ones which are very annoying. I have vivid memories of the ones from my childhood. These seemed so much better. I have even watched some of them on You Tube.

There was Mr Whipple for Charmin- "Please don't squeeze the Charmin", the Dunkin' Donuts guy- "Time to make the doughnuts.", Rosie for Bounty paper towels, Madge the Palmolive lady and Messy Marvin for Hershey's Syrup.

I have a marble notebook in which I wrote down many of my favorites. I have to dig that out of my storage container one day and check it out. My brother and I liked the Miller Lite ones with Billy Martin, other sports stars and Rodney Dangerfield. I'm pretty sure it was this brand of beer.

I should be watching tennis now but my mind is wandering. I probably will beat myself up about not paying attention to it later especially because it is hardly on TV unless you have Tennis Channel. Now I've got the Connect Four commercial in my head- "Pretty sneaky, sis". Why is it that stuff like this from my childhood sticks in my brain so well but I can't remember much about the past 20 years?

Some Favourite 80's Songs

1. Mad World - Tears For Fears
2. Rio - Duran Duran
3. It's A Sin - Pet Shop Boys
4. Invisible Touch - Genesis
5. The Prisoner - Howard Jones
6. You Make My Dreams Come True - Hall and Oates
7. Raspberry Beret - Prince
8. Careless Whispers - Wham!
9. Major Tom(Coming Home) - Peter Schilling
10. Tainted Love - Soft Cell
11. Lay Your Hands on Me - Thompson Twins
12. The Look of Love - ABC
13. Human - Human League
14. Seperate Ways - Journey
15. Some Like it Hot - The Power Station
16. Take It On The Run - REO Speedwagon
17. Pressure - Billy Joel
18. Our House - Madness
19. White Wedding - Billy Idol
20. You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi
21. Jack and Diane - Mellencamp
22. Heart of Glass - Blondie

Free Tickets

Bon Jovi added a fourth show to Giants Stadium. It was so tempting to go back into credit card debt for this but I have to be a good girl. If the state government were still giving the homestead rebate checks I would be able to afford this. I don't even want to get into how angry I am about that.

WPLJ is giving away free tickets to that show today but I really don't feel like trying for this. I get so anxious making phone calls plus I would have a better chance of being struck by lightning than winning anyhow. I wasn't always this afraid to make such a call though and did come very close to winning tickets to events.

The first time was back in the early 90s when they were giving away tickets to the Goldeneye Premiere in NYC. I was the right number caller and thought for sure that I knew the answer to the trivia question. I had just read an article about the Bond films in the paper that morning. Part of me was thinking that I should recheck this while I was waiting but my bossy idiot side wouldn't let me and of course I wound up giving the wrong answer. I have such a craptastic memory too. I never did see the first half hour of Goldfinger but even if I had I probably would've forgotten. So much for getting to see Pierce Brosnan and other stars in person.

I tried winning Bon Jovi tickets one day a few years ago but did not hear that there was also a trivia question that had to be answered until I was on the phone. The girl asked me what was the name of the character that Jon played on Sex and the City, or was it Ally McBeal? Whatever- I had no idea. I don't watch either show and not even him being a guest star made me interested in seeing them. It just figures- I'm finally the right number caller but there just had to be a question along with this.

I can't remember if it was 2005 or 2006 that I tried to win Bon Jovi tickets for the concert that was going to be on December 21, the date of my birth. That would have been a nice present. I actually got to talk to the dj and my request was on the air. I was a nervous wreck and sounded like such a doofus. I requested Invisible Touch by Genesis. Naturally I did not win the All Request Lunch Hour contest either. I'm not lucky at anything.

I was one away from winning Hall and Oates tickets once. I didn't even try to call for Duran Duran ones the time that you had to name all the members of the group in alphabetical order. I'm sure that the devoted fans can easily do this. I was sitting there writing the names down and by the time I finished someone had probably already won. Another time the dj played clips of 5 of their songs and you had to say the names twice. I knew them but was driving at the time and didn't have a cell phone so I wouldn't even have been able to pull over to the side of the road to call.

I only ever tried 5 or 6 times to win DD tickets, it was many more than that for Bon Jovi. Guess that I wasn't as scared then. My cousin Mary was lucky and won tickets to a country music concert with a few performers including Travis Tritt and Billy Ray Cyrus. She was in the second row. I went through a country music phase in the 90s. I liked Travis back then so I was a little jealous.

TV - Again

My brother reminded me about how we used to watch the Fat Albert cartoon. I then was remembering the Christmas and Halloween specials that they had. Haven't seen those in many years. Other cartoons came to mind. I'm pretty sure that there was a Batman one. They had a weird sidekick- Batmite? We were really into Battle of the Planets. I used to talk to my Uncle about the dreams that I had about it. We watched Danger Mouse sometimes and Courageous Cat and Minute Mouse- pretty sure that's what it was called, sometimes I doubt my memory.

Mom and I liked watching Murder She Wrote and now we enjoy the novels. We watched the Golden Girls and Empty Nest sometimes too. We saw more episodes of the former in reruns years later.

Mark and I watched Batman, Get Smart, F Troop and Hogan's Heroes. He liked Hawaii Five - O and SWAT but I never really got into them. I would watch those cheesy Godzilla movies with him and Yankees games in the 80s. My first big crush was on Mattingly. Would I have been into the team if it wasn't for him? I gave up on them by 1991 though.

My boyfriend Mike got me into some sci-fi shows - Sliders, Deep Space Nine, Voyager and Babylon 5. I didn't start watching Star Trek - The Next Generation until a few years after it started but then I caught the rest in reruns. I saw Roswell all in reruns too. I didn't start watching Smallville until the third season but saw the reruns on Family Channel.

It's kind of embarrasing that my brother and I watched Hercules and Xena sometimes. I know that it shouldn't be. Mike watched Andromeda and for the first season I watched it too but then gave up on it. Mark used to tease me about Kevin Sorbo sometimes - I didn't even have a crush on the guy.

I must be a bit strange because I was never interested in watching MTV. I did watch the Thriller video back when it first premiered. Even my mother watched that. I caught clips of music videos on VH1 in the 90s on shows like The 100 Greatest Songs of The 80s. My brother bought me Duran Duran's Greatest DVD for Christmas in 2005 so I finally saw their videos then.

We used to enjoy some shows on A&E. Cold Case Files, American Justice, Investigative Reports, City Confidential, Poirot, Midsomer Murders, Dalziel and Pascoe and Biography. Now all the good stuff that used to be on that station is on Biography Channel which we can't afford.

I enjoy British shows like the 3 mysteries mentioned in the above paragraph, Inspector Morse, Miss Marple, Prime Suspect, Life On Mars, Doctor Who, Red Dwarf, Are Your Being Served, Goodnight Sweetheart, As Time Goes By, Allo Allo and All Creatures Great and Small.

I remember one Sunday night when we were kids we were trying to enjoy The Wonderful World of Disney but Grandma next-door's friend Sally was over and was talking loudly during most of it. We were so annoyed. I still hate being interrupted during my shows. My brother does this often but whenever I ask him please not to he gets annoyed and makes it seem like my shows aren't important but if we ever interrupt him during something he's watching he gets very angry.
I try not to do this because I'm a pretty considerate person. I wish that he'd do the same for us.

I loved Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I even named my cocker spaniel after her and used her friend Willow's name as her middle name. Of course, I watched Angel too. I had a bit of a crush on David Boreanaz. I now see him in Bones- no, that's not the reason that I started watching it. I gave up on it half way through the first season though and picked it up again somewhere in the second. Luckily the library has this DVD so I was able to catch what I missed. I saw the first 2 seasons of The Closer this way too.

I still remember the Channel 7 Eyewitness News team from the 80s. Kaity Tong and Ernie Anastos. Roz Abrams came later that decade. Storm Field did the weather then Sam Champion. Spencer Christian did sports. There was Mr Food, Roger Grimsby, Bill Beutel and Joel Seigel.

Sometimes on PBS we would see Jack Horkheimer- Star Hustler. I definitely remember it from around the time of Haley's Comet. Was that 85 or 86? I looked him up on You Tube- he's the Star Gazer now. It was funny watching some of these old clips.

My favourite show now is Supernatural. I used to like Heroes alot but not as much after the first season. I didn't see it from the beginning and caught half of the episodes in reruns. My favourite character is Hiro who can teleport through time and space, an ability I'd love to have. I like Peter too and not only because he is pretty cute.

We used to love watching the winter olympics from 1980 - 1992. I enjoyed the figure skating, bobsled, luge and skiing. We saw Brian Boitano, Katerina Witt and others at a show at MSG in the early 90's. We probably were watching the 1976 olympics also but I only remember liking Dorothy Hamill and getting a haircut like hers a few times. I definitely watched the 1984 summer olympics in LA. I enjoyed the swimming and diving events.

I have a few other things on my mind about this subject but I've said enough for today plus this is my brother's computer and he seems annoyed that I've been on it for so long. Wish that I could afford one of my own.

Bon Jovi Dream

I don't feel like being in reality today because I'm depressed about all the medical bills that I have to pay so I'm going to return to one of my dreams from February 5 of this year.

I won a contest - 2 tickets to a private Bon Jovi concert. Mom came with me because Mark was very sick. This was yet another alien abduction dream. This event was taking place on one of those big, nice buses which was very strange and they performed when we were on the road. I drove to the Meadowlands and saw the old stadium being torn down. It was the beginning of May. Mom was feeling cold and had her winter coat and hat on even though the temp was 62. There were about 50 other people on this bus. The seats were very comfortable. There was space in front for the band.

I saw a cute doggie- a border collie mix and about 10 seconds later my Mookie who has been dead for 5 years appeared on my lap. Obviously the aliens were reading my thoughts and memories. I was happy to see her. I was mad that they made my glasses disappear during a few of the songs. My eyesight is terrible. There was alot of talking going on between the band and the audience between songs. Not sure which road we were on; it might've been Rt 3 but it looked different- mountains, some of them snow covered, were here. Not much development either. Lots of countryside.

At one point Richie sat next to me. I was feeling kind of sleepy and dozed off for a bit. My head was on his arm. He was wearing a nice black leather jacket. Somehow my hand got caught on this when he was trying to get up. He left a flashlight on the seat right next to me. I was wearing a short sleeve shirt and sweatjacket.

They took a few requests. The actual music part of the dream is kind of fuzzy, unfortunately. There were a few from the new album. But I've only ever heard one in real life so I guess the others were in my imagination. Jon liked my eyeglasses and asked where I got them. He had his sunglasses on even though it was night but only for a little while. I was kind of annoyed that they hadn't performed that many songs and we had already been on this bus trip for 2 hours.

Jon asked us if we wanted to stop at a rest stop for something to eat- his treat. We all said yes. When we got out of the bus I told mom to stick close to me. We had to leave the 2 doggies on the bus. Mookie had been sitting on Mom's lap for most of the time. Only about a minute later Mom had wandered off and I couldn't find her. Where could she have gone that quickly? I thought that I had found her but it was only another lady with a similar coat. I was very worried even though she was just a hologram or shape shifting alien like everybody else.

There were alot of people at this rest stop. Another lady from our bus said that she would help me look for my mother when she saw how upset that I was. Luckily we found her a few minutes later. I got ice cream at the restraunt. We got back on the bus afterwards and headed back to the Meadowlands. The band performed some more songs and there were additional conversations.

It was daylight when we returned there which was odd because it had been around 8:00 pm when we had started this unusual trip. The total number of songs that they performed was 15 or 16. During one of the power ballads Jon was close to me and looked at me for a bit. I wondered why he did that. When we got to the parking lot he said "Let's do some more". The audience was excited and we went on a different road this time for about an hour and they did 5 more songs.

What a long trip/concert this was, like 5 and a half hours. I did have a good time and felt relaxed. I wasn't even freaked out about being abducted. Nobody seemed annoyed that they didn't do more songs in that long period of time. I wondered if I was on a holodeck on the alien ship or on their planet made to look like Earth as I always do in these abduction dreams. They seem to like taking me alot.

Seeing that report about Giants Stadium being torn down on the news and thinking about the 3 Bon Jovi concerts that I've been to there must've been the reason why they were in my night time thoughts. In reality most of the stadium will probably be torn down by early May but in this alien reality it was only half done.

Memory Lane

I was driving along Central Ave. the other day and remembering how it used to be there - Bradlees, Bonanza, Clark Lanes, Howard Johnsons and Roy Rogers. Now these places where they were - Target, McDonalds, Bally's Fitness Club and Rite Aid, Shop Rite(which used to be down the road a bit but now is Barnes and Noble) and Wendys.

My mother worked at Bradlees in the late 70s - late 80's. My brother worked there for 7 years starting in 1988, I think. I even worked there a couple of times for 5 months in 87 and I forget how long a couple of years later- less than 6 months.

Dad would take us to Bonanza and Roy Rogers sometimes. My brother left his King Kong figure at the former in the late 70s but when we went back for this it was no longer there. He was upset about that. I felt bad for him. I still have my membership card for the Roy Rogers Buckaroo Club from back then. I'm pretty sure that my mom told me that she saw Roy Rogers in person once.

Part of my birthday party in the late 70s was at Clark Lanes. I was never really that good at bowling. We didn't go that much. We did watch the professional bowlers on TV with our parents sometimes. I think that there was a show called Bowling For Dollars that they watched too.

When I took my dog to the groomers yesterday on Raritan Road I thought about the Carvel and Stewarts that used to be nearby. Now a Portugese and Japanese restraunts are there. We loved Carvel ice cream. My favourite flavor was maple walnut and my brother's mint chocolate chip. We'd get their cakes for birthdays, graduations and our First Holy Communions. I loved the root beer in the frosty mugs at Stewarts.

Route 1 and Route 130 changed so much over the years. We'd travel that way to get to my Aunt's house in South Jersey. Many shopping centers, businesses and homes are now there. No more Ford and General Motors plants on Rt. 1 though which is sad and also makes me angry that our country is outsourcing alot of jobs esp. in manufacturing. My Dad used to work in GM for 23 years up until he took the buyout in 1987.

Sometimes I get that silly sci-fi fantasy of my spirit traveling through time and being in my body in my childhood. I'm in the car with my family seeing how things used to be and going to those places again. I'm only there to observe. I can't change anything that my younger self does or says. That would be okay. My trip down memory lane is over for today.

More Toys and Games

Is it childish for me to still have stuffed animals on my bed and shelves? Maybe, but I don't care. Only two of them are from my childhood- Benji and my Pound Puppy Chip. I was thinking about how my mother waited hours in line for our Cabbage Patch Kids like in 1983 and feeling kind of bad that I got rid of them. They weren't even that cute but I guess at the time I was into them. We still have a couple of them. My brother and I have three sizes of Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls from the 70s. I think that we have our Winnie the Poohs from then too. I have my Miss Piggy and Kermit dolls from the early 80s.

My brother had a Fonzie figure- he might still have it. He had He-Man figures, dinosaurs, some Legos, a Big Wheel, Lincoln Logs, Mr T, Inspector Gadget, The Pink Panther stuffed animal, Little Van Go which is like Fashion Plates with vans, The Lone Ranger wagon and horse, a wagon, about 6 Smurf figures which were just knick- knacks and the Emergency helmet and bullhorn- he was a fireman and I was an angel one Halloween.

We liked playing with the walkie-talkies that our Uncle Al got us. I think they were from Radio Shack. We didn't have that many Viewmaster slides. Mark had Star Trek and I had Sleeping Beauty. Huckleberry Hound and Disneyworld were both of ours. We had The Rescuers lunchboxes also. I remember how we liked drawing on the sidewalk with chalk.

My cousin Mary accidentally pulled of the arm of one of my Barbies one Thanksgiving at grandmas house at the farm. I have these Barbies- 2 Malibus, Superstar and Ballerina. I have a fake Barbie too. I think that her name is Charlene. She has red hair like me. I had the camper which I liked alot.

Other games that we have - Yahtzee, Boggle, Uno and Uncle Wiggly. The latter isn't the one that we had in the 70s though. We were stupid and got rid of that. Mom bought us a new one in the early 90s but it's not the same - the old one was much nicer. Mark liked those puzzle games- Rubick's Cube, The Pyramid and The Missing Link. I was never any good at them. I was jealous of Jenny because she had Speak and Spell and also of Michelle who had Quiz Wiz. We had Pictionary but we didn't play that much. Same with Upwords which is like Scrabble.

I had so much fun doing Mad Libs. I saw these in AC Moore one day last year. Whenever I see stickers I also have good memories of trading them with my friend. I still have my sticker books. A few years ago I was looking at them. Some of the smelly ones actually still have a bit of a smell to them which I was suprised. There's 2 Magnum PI stickers in it also - I was laughing as I recalled the crush that I had on Tom Selleck.

Dad had 3 Beatles figures that we weren't really supposed to play with but sometimes did. Why didn't he have all 4 of them? Back then we really didn't know anything about them so I couldn't tell you which was the missing one. He had a few Hess trucks that we played with too and a Goodyear Blimp but we didn't really touch that.

My cousin Mary had a Slinky. They were made nice back then, not the cheap plastic stuff. My brother was playing with it and he broke it so we had to buy a new one for her. The three of us had these games that I can't remember the name of - you fill them with water. Mine had a dolphin in it and you had to press a button to get the rings on it's nose.

I didn't have a Holly Hobbie doll. I had her friend Amy. I liked playing with my Colorforms. Mark and I enjoyed playing Lawn Darts. I had a couple of those Smurfs too. Thinking about all these toys and games makes me wish that I could be a kid again- like somehow my spirit could go into my younger self but I'd only be observing. That's the sci-fi geek in my talking.

I Feel Like A Freak

I wanted to write a post today about tennis or maybe more toys and games but I'm feeling very overwhelmed and confused. And frustrated too. Typing is very diffucult for me and I seem to take forever at it and am constantly making mistakes. I got a C in this class in high school. Sometimes I just want to give up and not even blog anymore but a part of me disagrees with this.

I have this inner conflict about reaching out and connecting with people. It does feel nice to do so but part of me is saying why bother. That sounds pretty bad but I can't help it. I've always felt like an outsider. I would mostly watch the other girls on the playground only occassionally interacting with them. I was such a nerd/bookworm. It was worse in high school. I'd rather not even remember those days.

I do better socializing with people that I'll never see again, like at concerts or when I go shopping. I feel awkward even around my own family. It's like I'm an alien sent to Earth to simply observe humanity. Part of me wishes that I could just be normal and not such a freak.

I am enjoying reading people's blogs and it is nice that people have been reading mine. It can be kind of overwhelming though because I'm always criticizing myself for not doing a good enough job of expressing myself here just like in real life. When I was younger I dreamed of being a writer but I don't see that ever happening.

Maybe I'll just stick to reading blogs this weekend and leaving comments. Maybe by next week I'll be in the mood to try to write again. There are so many that I'd like to read though. I do have some difficulties with reading which I'll get into at another time, perhaps.

Even More TV

I was thinking about the shows that my parents, brother and I used to watch together sometimes. Hee-Haw, The Mandrell Sisters, Sonny and Cher, the Bob Hope specials, The Dating Game, The Gong Show, The Newlywed Game, Match Game, Let's Make A Deal, Bowling For Dollars, professional bowling, The Carol Burnett Show and Lifestyles of The Rich and Famous- my grandma would be with us sometimes during that one and her and Dad would complain about the stars. My brother and I watched Entertainment Tonight during the 80s. Don't really like those type shows anymore.

Mom and I liked Murder She Wrote, Hart to Hart and Benson. Sometimes I'd watch Soap with her. Our babysitter Donna liked Starsky and Hutch and Chips. Mark and I definitely liked the latter. We saw Erik Estrada at one of those autograph signing shows. I sometimes watched The Twilight Zone with him. They always had marathons of that during certain holidays.

There were shows that we didn't watch regularly, just sometimes. What's Happening, Alice, Charlie's Angels, Wonder Woman, The Six Million Dollar Man, Vegas, Laverne and Shirley, Dance Fever and Solid Gold. I think that we saw some of Battle of The Network Stars. We liked Barney Miller. We watched that one more often than these. I don't think it was all the time.

Mom told me that we used to watch Captain Kangaroo but I don't really remember that. We watched The Electric Company but only really remember the Letter Man part of it. There was The Magic Garden also and The Land of The Lost. We loved The Muppet Show. I have this vague memory of a cartoon- I think it was called Fonzie and the Happy Days Gang. I just remembered Flash Gordon the other day when Mark was talking about that cheesy movie. I can hear the I'm Just a Bill song from Schoolhouse Rock playing in my head now.

NBC had something that taught life lessons between cartoons on Saturday mornings. I think that it was called And That's One To Grow On. Stars of that Network like Michael J. Fox and Mr T. were in them.

I don't think that we ever watched these shows in first run but just in reruns sometimes- The Odd Couple, The Bob Newhart Show and Mary Tyler Moore. We watched Police Squad - I think that there were only like 6 or 7 episodes. I watched It's A Living, Bosom Buddies, Murphy Brown and sometimes Kate and Allie.

Some why did we watch that shows- Hotel, Head of the Class, Too Close For Comfort, Charles In Charge, Saved By The Bell, Home Improvement and Roseanne. I guess at the time they were okay. I could say this about some of the other shows that I mentioned in this post and my previous TV ones too, I suppose.

There was a show called In Search Of hosted by Leonard Nimoy. I remember the Big Foot, UFOs and The Loch Ness Monster episodes especially. In the NY/NJ are ABC had Day of Disaster hosted by Joel Seigel. The Hindenburg and this bridge that was shaking and fell down are what I mostly remember about that.We liked This Old House- the Bob Vila years too.

We did watch soap operas. All My Children in the 80s and mid 90s when Sarah Michelle Gellar was on it. We saw some of the stars outside the studio in the mid- 80s. Michael E. Knight, Julia Barr, the ones who played Myra, Sloane, Cliff and Travis. I'm pretty sure that the one who plays Sonny on General Hospital was Nicco on here and we saw him too. We also watched One Life to Live in the mid 80s- early 90s and General Hospital in the early and mid 90s or whenever Ricky Martin and the Ned and Lois storyline was in this.

We didn't watch that many mini-series. The Winds of War, War and Remembrance, Celebrity, V, V- The Final Battle and I saw the Thornbirds but not until 1989. I just remembered that there was V - The Series that we watched, not sure if it was all the time.

It sure seems as if we watched alot of television when we were kids. I'm sure there were more sometimes shows but none come to mind now and even if they did I've said more than enough in this post. Much less TV in the 90s- Northern Exposure, The X Files, Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Sliders. Other Sci-fi favs- Star Trek- The Next Generation, Voyager and Quantum Leap. More on that another time. Time for my coffee break now.