Dreamtime-

February 7, 2010- A Day in the Park

Mom, Aunt Ann and I were in a very nice park on a beautiful day. This was a pretty big one that had lots of fun things to do in it. They had a petting zoo with mostly farm animals that we went to. I loved the adorable sheep and the donkey. We were thinking about going to a lecture about local wildlife and flowers in a small building nearby this but decided not to.

  We went to a farm stand that sold a lot of locally grown fruit and vegetables. Mom got her Jersey tomatoes for sandwiches. I bought some strawberries to mix with vanilla Greek yogurt. A good sized greenhouse was next to that.  It had many pretty flowers. My aunt bought a few plants there.

   We walked towards a lake. I saw that you could rent canoes to go out on it. I was thinking about my 4^th grade camping trip and how our class went canoeing. I think that my parents were there for this too.

   Not far from the lake was a minor league baseball stadium. I saw a billboard type sign advertising a concert that was going to be there that night- Rob Thomas. I was thinking that I really would love to be at that and also wondering if he would be performing a few Matchbox Twenty songs.

   Maybe my alien friend put a ticket to this event in my purse as part of the holodeck storyline. I checked but there wasn’t one in it. Perhaps he would add this detail a little later on. I would be so happy if he did, but if not I would be glad that had such a great day with my family here.

   Mom and Aunt Ann were sitting on a bench. I told them that I was going to take a short walk into the woods. I went towards the stream in there; I saw a raccoon near it. I used to collect raccoon stuff when I was a kid.

   I noticed a rope and plank bridge going across the stream but I was too afraid to go on it. I had to get back to my family then. We planned on going to a quaint log cabin restaurant that was also in the park for dinner.

   During the walk to this cabin, I saw a basketball court. 4 cute guys were playing on it.  There was a hill not far from that. A young couple was walking up it. Their gorgeous Golden Retriever was in front of them. I wanted to go over and pet it but didn’t.

    Dinner was delicious. Mom and Aunt Ann both had the chicken parmesan, which is what they often get when we go out to eat. I had the turkey burger and a salad. We were talking about mystery novels during the meal. Just as we were about to order dessert, I was no longer in the restaurant.

    I had been returned to my bedroom on Earth. I could hear my brother complaining to Mom downstairs. I wished that I was still in the park and maybe even soon to be at the concert. It was so peaceful and pleasant there, so unlike my home environment.

Rob Thomas

 

Note- the last photo is from the internet

August 24, 2015

I watched Rob Thomas on the “Today Show” this morning. I was wishing that I had gone to the Plaza to see him. I doubt that I would have won the fan pass for this. I just remembered that I had tried to do so for Luke Bryan 2 years ago but wasn’t lucky then.

   I could have seen Wrangler too; they had him outside. I am pretty sure that Rob and his wife are into helping abused and neglected animals. And pet adoptions organizations also. I am doubting my memory again.

   I shouldn’t have gotten excited about seeing Rob because my brother started telling me to calm down and did some other teasing about him too. I had watched part of the show upstairs and the 9:00 hour downstairs.

   I am glad that I went to that Matchbox Twenty concert a couple of years ago. I would love to see just Rob in concert too but that just isn’t in my budget. I was a bad girl and dipped into my auto repair fund for that DD private concert. I will have to do this for the MSG one also.

   Sharon said that I wasn’t crazy for wanting to skip a day at the Open if I have to for the ordering of a good ticket to that concert. I sure hope that I won’t have to though. She told me that I could always tell Mike that I have woman’s problems. I was thinking of that too.

   I should have written about my dream first thing this morning. It was entirely gone by 8:30 a.m. I just have the memory that it was a good one. Some people might say that it is weird that I even want to write about my dreams. What is so wrong about enjoying doing so; it is like a form of entertainment to me.

   I saved the pictures of the DD show that Jenny posted on Facebook. She is in one of them near the advertisement for this event. I had thought about taking a picture of that but didn’t.

    It was a blue and white Planet Earth shirt that Jenny was wearing, not a gold and black one. The girl at the August 1^st show had that color combo in a different style. I think that she said that this was part of her fan club membership, so she obviously is in the gold level.

   I looked up the membership info; you are able to get VIP tickets in the regular level. I wasn’t too sure about that. Should I even try doing so for the MSG show? How does that even work? At the 2011 MSG show, I think that the members were in a standing section near the stage, or were there folding chairs there?

   I am so embarrassed to admit that I would want to be on a certain side of the stage again, or even center would be good if I had to be. I should not be thinking so much about this. It wasn’t as much on my mind earlier in the day but now it is. Maybe that is because I listened to a John Taylor interview on the fan site.

   I did cringe a bit when he mentioned the 2 upcoming Port Chester shows. This was from the middle of July. I was trying to tell myself that cute guy and even some others- but probably not many- also are sharing in my disappointment about the missed encore. That does help a bit.

   I saw on either Facebook or Tumblr that John is on the cover of Bass Player magazine; is that an October issue? I was a little ashamed that I was thinking that he has such a nice smile in that photo. Someone else made such a comment and I was laughing a little on the inside.

    I hate that a part of me wants to buy this. I didn’t get it the last time that he was cover boy (or was this the British version of it?)  I did the time before that though.  It is kind of twisted that I was willing to get over my driving anxiety to look for this at B&N but didn’t do so for Billboard mag when DD was on the cover recently.

   I just saved some more photos of DD two days ago. You would think that I’d be sick of seeing them by now but part of me isn’t. I feel ashamed to admit that looking at and saving photos of them makes me happy. Even after being a bit mad at them for that encore incident.

   Maybe they were having technical problems that night and this is why they didn’t come back onto the stage until much later. I really need to stop thinking about this. I have analyzed it to death. I do feel really embarrassed that I got so emotional about it.

  I mentioned the shame topic in regards to DD a lot in this entry. I guess that I am not entirely over that issue. I am much better than I used to be though.

   As I was watching “American Pickers” yesterday, I was thinking that although it is nice that Mike and Frank have such an enthusiasm for what they are doing, I couldn’t help feeling jealous of them. I don’t seem to have such a passion for anything anymore. I’m wondering if I ever really did anyhow- it seems as if that love of reading was that of another girl and not me.

    I also had the thought that those 2 guys really know their stuff- bicycles, motorcycles, signs and more- which makes me feel like such an idiot. I don’t even have much or any knowledge about my interests because my brain isn’t capable of retaining it.  I know a little about things like dog breeds but not enough to talk even semi-expertly about them.

   I should really try focusing on the Mets game now. deGrom is pitching. I was watching the tennis a lot last week so I didn’t really get to see them much then. I am already thinking about what outfits that I want to wear at the Open next week; I always pre-plan this. I might even wear my Planet Earth one. Mike will probably get annoyed that I have 3 DD shirts but I don’t care.

Matchbox Twenty

Jacob deGrom

 

Note-both photos are from the internet

 

Dreamtime-

August 5, 2008- Duran Duran at College

I was in my bedroom only it didn’t have any windows. When I opened the door, I discovered that my room had been re-created in a very different setting that of what resembled the community college that I had taken classes at in the late 80s and early 90s.

   I did some exploring and noticed that there were not that many doors or windows here. I hadn’t noticed any exit doors either. I went into the cafeteria. The food here looked good. There hadn’t been a purse in my room so I couldn’t buy anything.

    I had only encountered about 6 people so far. Three of these included the girls who were now seated at one of the tables. I was feeling very tired now probably due to some sort of alien influence. I sat down and lay my head on the table to rest.

   A little while later, I heard some men talking nearby. When I looked up I saw 3 familiar people- John Taylor, Roger Taylor, and Simon Le Bon. I am usually happy to see them but for some reason this time I was not in a good mood. I also was feeling very overwhelmed and missed my Buffy pup.

   I overheard them mentioning a filming schedule for the video that they were shooting there. It was odd but interesting that they had chosen this location for that.

   I ran out of the room and tried going back to my bedroom but couldn’t find it; it was as if it had disappeared. I then saw Roger and a camera guy walking in my direction. I panicked and hid in one of the classrooms.

   I sat on the floor under the teachers’ desk. I felt like crying. I heard the door being opened and was a little scared. I saw John coming towards me.  Were they going to use this room for filming?

   He gave me a comforting hug and then left. That was extremely peculiar but also kind of nice. When I went out into the hallway, I saw a guy who looked like Brendan Fraser standing near the lockers. He smiled and said “Everything is going to be alright.”

   I decided to go back to the cafeteria but after seeing an Exit sign suddenly appear nearby, I went towards that instead. I couldn’t figure out why I seemed to be the only one who had been trapped inside this environment. I hoped that I would be able to finally go outside.

   The door did open for me. I walked a little ways to a parking lot. I wondered if my car- either my own 2005 Kia or Mom’s 1984 Buick Century which often shows up in these holodeck storylines- was here. I didn’t have a key for any vehicle though.

   I was no longer even there a minute later. I was back in my room in reality. My sweet spaniel Buffy was sitting on the latch hook rug that Grandma-at-the-farm had made for me. I gave her a big hug. She makes me happier than any music group, including Duran Duran, ever could.

 

August 21, 2015

   I was at the official DD fan site today and noticed that they put the date of the MSG show onto their tour list. Next to this was “On sale soon” or something like that. I should just be very excited about this but I am mostly anxious.

   I am praying that I can get a good seat for this show. I am a little confused about my fan club privileges. Are only the gold levelers eligible for the VIP tickets? I am just a regular one. Would I even be willing to spend lots of money on a ticket if so? - Maybe.

   Would I have even gotten that ticket for the Terminal 5 concert on the secondary sale site for more than the actual price if I had been at the entire Port Chester show? Perhaps not, but maybe yes. I’m trying to convince myself that all will be okay regarding this but my pessimistic side is in control. It will be a miracle if I ever get really close to them again.

   I was discussing that missed encore incident with Amy. I said that my idiot brain had convinced me that there couldn’t have been the sound of cheering which indicated DD’s return to the stage. Had I gone with my smart side, I would have checked to be absolutely certain of this. I then would have been able to see them albeit from a distance.

   She told me that once my brain had been on track to leave the theater that there was no turning back. She also had said that it is okay to be disappointed about missing out on this but not to beat myself up about it.

   I was only on Facebook for a few minutes this morning, mainly to check on the DD stuff. There was a post about a boxed set for their album Liberty.

   This is one of the 3 or 4 albums of theirs that I don’t have. I might eventually get this one, if it is even still available. I might have had the cassette but it was amongst the items that I sold at flea markets.

   I do still have a 45 of one of the songs off of it; not even sure which song it is. The picture/poster sleeve on it is pretty cool though. Or maybe I am wrong about this; it could be one of a song from Big Thing or even Notorious. It might be the latter.

    My memory is getting shittier every day, even for a subject that is of great interest to me. It is a bit embarrassing that I seem to ramble on and on about this specific group.

   That 45 was “Meet El Presidente” which if from Notorious. I only have 6 or7 DD 45s which are in the small container with my 2 John Taylor books and his audio book. I still haven’t listened to all of that yet.

    I don’t want to put those books in my bookcase. There isn’t really any room for them there plus I feel the need to keep them in a protected environment. That sounds a bit twisted, doesn’t it?

   I had the “Rio” and “Hungry like the Wolf” 45s but they got ruined by the heat when I was doing the flea markets. I shouldn’t have even sold or gotten rid of any DD items. And it was foolish to throw away the DD scrapbook that I got a flea market in the mid-1990s. I did that by the end of that decade.

   I did purge some stuff from my DD scrapbook a few years ago too. I must have been very depressed both times, especially more recently.

 

 

Dreamtime-

July 2011- A Beautiful Day

I was taking a walk around my town when the scenery started changing and I was now no longer alone.  Mike and our friends Cindy and Jessica were with me. We all looked as we did in our mid-teens. We were walking on Raritan Road near my town.

   The landscape was different though. There were lots of trees where the Parkway should be. I could see a road beyond this but it was just a regular one. The bridge that used to go over the Parkway was no longer there.

    I saw a pond instead of the intersection which had formerly been the circle kind was.  I was glad that they had eliminated before I started driving. I noticed some ducks near the edge of this pond- a mommie with her 4 babies; they were so darn cute.

   The surrounding area had much less development and was semi- rural. We walked past a general store/gas station. There weren’t that many cars on the roads.

   We were heading towards Clark. It was a beautiful day – sunshine and temps in the mid-70s. The scent of the flowers and trees was lovely I saw a pathway next to the church that led to the forest. We decided to go into it for a little while.

    We saw deer and just stood there watching it for about a minute watching them.  I saw a female deer on another pathway and decided to follow her. She headed another direction after a couple of minutes but we stayed on that path.

    After walking another 10 minutes, we saw an area that had some picnic benches. A family of 4 was sitting at one of them having their lunch. We started talking to them about the deer and other things. They were nice enough to ask us if we wanted to join them for this meal; they had plenty of extra food. We gladly accepted this generous offer.

   I saw a couple of people riding bikes. They waved to us and we waved back. So far, everyone seemed so friendly and relaxed. I was feeling so happy and peaceful. I wasn’t even feeling a bit of tension or fear.

   The food was delicious. I had a turkey wrap sandwich- real turkey, not the lunchmeat kind. I did wonder why they had extra food; maybe their friends were supposed to meet them here but they were unable to show up. I should have asked but didn’t feel right about doing so. Even in the holodeck I still have some social anxiety.

   I was so glad that we had taken this path. We stayed with that family for a little over an hour. We needed to get back to the main road to go to where we had originally been heading- the bakery. Our parents wanted us to get the rolls for the party that we’d be having at Mr. and Mrs. K’s house that night from there.

   The houses were spread out far apart in this reality as were the businesses. I was happy to see that one of our favourite ice cream places, Carvel, still existed here. It closed down about 10 years ago and now a Portuguese Barbeque place (I think).

   The bakery was in a row of shops located where the Krauser’s is on my Earth. All of the stuff in there looked so good. Mike wanted to get a cupcake but Jessica said that her Mom had made some for the party so he didn’t.

   I was hoping that my alien friend would let me stay in this program for at least a few days. I wondered what else about this version of my town/surrounding area would be different. And what about our family situation- did my parents get along well here? Did we have our doggies? Maybe we had all 3 at the same time- Buffy, Ginger and Mookie; that would be so nice.

    We were back in our small town about 30 minutes later. Everything was looking basically the same here so far- circa the mid- 1980s, that is. Sometimes even though we look younger, it might be another time period that we are in during these storylines.

    I was very pleased and overjoyed when I saw my Ginger pup in our yard. I gave her a big hug and told her how much I loved her. Just as I was about to go down the walkway with my friends and brother, the scenery around me started to fade. I was now in the present time right near the township office, where I had been before being transported to the holodeck.

   It would have been great if I had been in fantasy land for longer, even if it had just been for that party. It sounded like it was going to be fun. I wondered why Sam sent me home before then. There are often abrupt endings to the storylines. I never complain though, I’m just happy that I’m able to be a part of some wonderful experiences there.

Ginger 1983

Osceola Church

 

August 20, 2015- Friends- Part 2

We had good times at our family friend Maureen’s house esp. at St Patrick’s Day parties-The Quiet Man was almost always on TV during these. One Halloween there was a Wizard of Oz themed party; I was dressed as the scarecrow.

   We would always have tea when we visited her. I went apple picking with her and some of her kids and grandkids once.

   Mom and grandma had been friends with her for many, many years. We saw more of her when we lived on the other side of town than we have since we’ve been only a few houses down from her. She’s the one who mom used to go to after big arguments with Dad.

   One time I ran after her crying and begging for her to come back and she told me to go home.  I always was afraid that she would never return. That would have been a total nightmare.

   It’s hard to believe that we ever used to have friends. At least mom had a social life again – this past year she’s been going to the senior center. Mike is very outgoing but I’m the exact opposite; I’m only good at observing, not communicating.

   Aunt Ann once said that I was being like my father when I was hiding in her attic so that I didn’t have to face socializing with Aunt Pauline and a few cousins. I went downstairs but felt so anxious which is super pathetic. I can’t even feel comfortable around my own family.

   Maybe I’m not even capable of being in relationships besides the Sharon one. What if I even screw that up? I sure hope that doesn’t happen though.

   Sharon does so many nice things for me. I am so lucky that she is a part of my life. It has been like 30 years since I’ve had a friendship as close as this one. Kelly was my first best friend.

   By 8^th grade that friendship was over partly thanks to Dad. He was mad that Kelly’s parents didn’t take us to school as much as mom did. After that argument we never really associated with her and her mother anymore.

    We might have eventually drifted apart anyway; Kelly did start hanging out with 2 of the popular girls more.  I wasn’t cool enough for her, I suppose. This is still upsetting 3 decades later.

   I loved playing stuffed animals with her. Her Cindy bear had a crush on my Poochie one. She also had Scrunchy the Shop Rite bear.  Sometimes we would pretend that her house was California and mine was Florida or vice versa. She was in my brother’s class, 2 years behind mine.

   One day when Kelly and her mom were visiting us, Dad actually said (in an angry tone) “What are they doing here?” That was so mean. Mike reminded me that often he would lie and say that we weren’t home when kids called or came over to see us.

   We also had fun taking walks, bike riding- both of which we would sometimes do in the woods near our town- and swimming in her pool.

   Six of our friends had pools; we had a sprinkler. Dad slipped, fell, and sprained his ankle when running through it once. I wasn’t envious of them; I did have some jealousy about my friend’s toys though, like Cindy and Jessica’s Speak and Spell and Lite Brite and Michelle T’s Quiz Wiz.

   We did join the Cranford Pool for either 2 or 3 summers. Mike and I took swimming lessons there. I still have the certificate from that and also one of my pool passes-1983. I almost hit my head on the diving board once. We sometimes got subs from the Butcher Block nearby for lunch.

   Some of our classmates were members as were our family friends, the Prescotts. Our Dads worked together at GM and our Moms were Bradlees employees. Their 3 kids went to the same schools as us. Mike was closer to Jeff than I was to Pam though. She gave me her old clothes sometimes. Jeff’s gecko got into a bag of these once which totally freaked me out.

 

Oz- 1991

Scrunchy bear

 

Gecko

 

 

 

August 20, 2015- Friends

 We didn’t get to see Cindy and Jessica that much because they lived in PA so it was more of a pen-pal and holiday/summer vacation friendship. We did have a lot of fun though. Our dads took us to Sandy Hook once. My brother sometimes jokes around with me that their Dad looks a little like James Garner.

   Maybe some people would think that we were weird for enjoying playing school. I was Jessica’s teacher and Cindy was Mike's.

   Cindy had a Rick Springfield album, Working Class Dog. We were listening to it in her grandparent’s basement one day.

   We would sometimes play a game that she called Crack the 8 ball on her grandfather’s pool table down there. I don’t really remember the rules that we made up for this. We also played croquet in their grandparent’s yard.

   I have this vague memory of us doing something called Slam Books. I forget exactly what this was so I looked it up on the computer. One site said that it was questions written like what’s your favorite color and you passed them around but another said that mean things about people were written in it; I know darn well it was not the latter.

   I still have my 2 friendship pins and the pair of 1928 earrings from Cindy; she started my love of that jewelry brand. We loved watching the” Pink Panther” cartoon with them. Jessica started calling him the Pink Piddler which we all thought was so funny back then.

   We only visited them in PA twice, or maybe it was 3 times. I wish that it had been more; we always had such good times together. Dad didn’t really like doing much of anything outside of his own family though and he seemed to want us to be the same way. We didn’t get to see mom’s side of the family much either.

   I loved trading stickers with them; I still have my sticker books. I did this with Carolyn, another friend that I had for only a couple of years in the late 90s and now do so with my friend/little sister Sharon. This may seem a bit childish but we don’t care

   Once Cindy went to college our friendship was coming towards the end. The same thing happened with Kathy who always seemed very disappointed that Mike and I did not go to college. Well, we’ve done classes at the community college but never finished this. He had more credits than I do.

   Our parents were good friends with Kathy’s parents; our Dads even went to the Indy 500 race in the 1960s- mid? We had fun going down the shore with them, esp. Wildwood. One time we played miniature golf on the roof top of a hotel on the boardwalk and Mike hit the ball off of it.

   We went to a jewelry store where you could pick oysters out of a tank. I got double pearls twice there and also once in AC. I had two rings and a pair of earring made out of them. Unfortunately, I lost the earrings in the early 90s.

   We always stayed at the Pulaski Motel which was a couple of blocks away from the boardwalk. Sometimes they’d come we us on day trips to other Jersey shore destinations- Seaside, Keansburg and Long Branch.

   4^th of Julys were always celebrated at their house- pool/barbeque party and fireworks in a nearby park. Sometimes we would celebrate New Year’s Eve at either their house or ours. Of course,” Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve” would be on but I’d only watch the countdown part.

   Sometimes we’d hang out with her friends Dana and Ginny- they all went to Elizabeth High School. They came over to our house a few times; once we watched a movie that we had rented- Evil Dead. We played card games often, like a very long one called Shanghai that another family friend taught us. The rules are long so we have them written on index cards.

  She was good at that game and others like she was at everything else – video games, cake decorating, cooking, piano, drawing and sports like tennis and bowling. She tried teaching me how to do the latter 2 but I suck at everything.

   These happy memories are making me sad which is ridiculous. I have many more but I better come back to the present and face the fact that over the past 20 years I’ve done a shitty job in the relationships department.

   Boyfriends were mainly my friends except for Lynn. Am I even capable of overcoming the social anxiety and somehow finding friends and activities that will bring joy to my life? Yes, I have my Sharon but I do need to interact with people outside of the computer world too.

   I feel like I belong on the Island of Misfit Toys like in” Rudolph”; where could a freak like me ever possibly fit in?

 

1928 earrings

 

Friendship pins

                                                

Book used when playing school

 

The Pink Panther keychain

 
                                       
 

 

 

Croquet set

                                          
                                          
 

 

 

 

Indianapolis 500- 1960s

 

 

                                        
 

 

 

Shanghai card game

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rudolph stickers