June 8, 2015- My Duran Duran Fascination

I didn’t really get into Duran Duran  until after “Ordinary World” first came out, but then it was only a little bit. I was mainly into country music in the 1990s up until 1998. I don’t even really remember much about them from the 1980s. I did have a 45 of their “Hungry Like the Wolf”. It was one of only 10 that I had in that decade.

    I never watched MTV or music videos on other channels either. Wait, I did see Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” around the time that it premiered. Even Mom was watching that! I only saw parts of DD videos in specials about the 80s on VH1 and other channels in the 1990s. I never saw a full video of theirs until around 2007. I got the Greatest CD that came with a DVD then.

   I didn’t look in those teenie bopper mags when I was a kid either, except for the 1 or 2 that my Grandma next door got for me because she thought that I had a crush on Michael J. Fox. I liked him in the movie Back to the Future, that’s all.

   I remember wanting to laugh when my grade school classmates were talking about which  one of the Duran Duran guys that they each had a crush on. I simply did not get why they were so fascinated by them back then. I guess that I kind of do now though.

     I’m kind of ashamed to even admit that I am a DD fan. It’s mostly been for the past 11 years. I didn’t even go to their official website for the first time until 2 years later. I learned about the history of this group then. I felt like I was doing research for a term paper on them.

   I would love to say “I just like their music” when people ask me who is my favorite DD guy. I could also simply say that they are all good looking in their own way. A couple of times I have admitted which one it is. I can’t help feeling embarrassed about this. I have got shame issues that I am trying to work on, esp. when it comes to music and certain guys.

   I used to have many dreams with my music people in them, esp. Duran Duran. I was worrying that this might be kind of obsessive but my therapist said that it isn’t. It’s not as if I have any control over what I dream about.

    Should I be ashamed to even admit that I see a therapist? My issues are anxiety- esp. social, extremely low self-esteem and depression. Hopefully I will be able to overcome all of this. My music does help to calm me down and cheer me up a little. Why is it that I often choose DD to do this?

   Why do I feel that it is okay for everyone else to like Duran Duran but for me it seems sort of wrong? I used to feel the same way about Bon Jovi but not so much now. I’m kind of over that phase. I didn’t start liking them until after “It’s My Life” came out in 2000. I guess that it’s better late than never for both of these groups.

   Part of me is just hoping that liking DD a lot is just some phase that I am going through, like my Beatles/McCartney/Wings one of the late 80s and early 90s. It’s not a crime for me to be a fan of theirs. I have to convince myself to believe this. And it’s not a sin to admit that bassist guy is my favorite. Yikes, I can’t even type his name, that is how embarrassed that I am.

     I am hearing “Planet Earth” playing in my mind’s stereo. Now I’m thinking how I’d like to listen to the Night Version of this- love the extra bass. Damnit, does this make it seem like I am semi-obsessed with that guy? -Probably not. Actually, I’d love to see this video. I get a kick of the puffy shirts in that. Bring those back into fashion- just kidding.

   I feel kind of embarrassed for thinking that watching Duran Duran videos makes me happy when I am having a depressing day. That sounds semi-obsessive. The thought that hopefully I will get to see them in concert again sometime this year is like a tiny spark that will help me to get through the tough times. Gosh, that sounds so darn corny.

 

 

 

Dreamtime- Hall & Oates

August 8, 2002

Mom, Mike and I were at a small club down the shore for a Hall & Oates concert. Some of my grade school classmates were also there, including the boy that was my crush. He was the one who told me not to stare at him anymore. Even now I was afraid to look at him.

   The setting was odd though. It seemed like more of a classroom, complete with the desks and a blackboard. I did wonder why Sam had made it look this way, but also was slightly amused by this.

   They performed mostly songs off of their new album; one that doesn’t exist in reality. They took a few breaks during this show. I was feeling kind of tired and also a bit bored. I wanted them to do some of their hits and hoped that they would when they returned from the first break.

    Mom and Mike went to get something to eat. I looked out a window at the ocean and felt a little scared. I didn’t mind being by the ocean when I was a kid, but sometime over the past 15 years, I developed a big fear of it.

   The intermission was over but Mom and Mike had not returned. I was worried about them. They didn’t get back until the middle of the first song then,” Rich Girl”- finally, one of their hits.

    Daryl and John were wearing different outfits now. They were as strange and seemed more like costumes.  It’s hard for me to describe this. I’m not that good with words. They were also doing some goofy stuff during this concert.

   At one point, I felt so sleepy that I put my head down on the desk. I felt someone tapping on my shoulder and thought that it was my Mom or brother. When I looked up, it was Daryl Hall. That was pretty embarrassing. He was walking around the room a lot during that song and noticed me nodding off.

   Although this was a weird concert, I did have a pretty good time. It was interesting that Mom was with Mike and me. It ended as we were walking on the boardwalk back to our hotel. It was nice that we were on a weekend trip together. It turns out that we were in Wildwood; I haven’t’ been there since 1986. I wish that I could have been in this program for more of it.

June 10- Crushes

I remember playing Truth or Dare at Nancy’s birthday/slumber party in 6^th grade and instead of admitting who I had a crush on I drank out of the dog’s dish for the dare.

    Dad took a picture of me with 2 of my crushes after 8^th grade graduation. Obviously, Mike told him about them but I’m not quite sure how he found out. Did I write about this in my diary and he read it or did he overhear me telling Kim or mom about them?  I don’t remember ever doing either. I would not have admitted this to him, would I? Whatever- it’s so embarrassing that Dad did that.

   My other crush told me not to stare at him anymore sometime in the 7^th grade. This has often been on my mind when I have looked at cute guys since then. I realize that this sounds ridiculous but I can’t help it. Amy and Sharon always tell me that it is perfectly fine for me to be doing so but I don’t know if I can make myself believe this. 

    Mike told me that in the mid-90s a neighborhood boy, Stephen, who used to hang out with him sometimes at our house, had a crush on me which I found hard to believe. But then in about 2000 when I was walking around town with my boyfriend we saw Stephen in his yard and while we were talking to him he told me so himself.

   Shouldn’t I have been flattered? I was thinking how strange it was to hear this. He’s 4 or 5 younger than me. That was in the mid-80s; I looked so dorky then- bad hairdos and big glasses. I’ve been wearing glasses since the 3^rd grade.

 

80s TV Shows and Crushes

Mike and I were recently talking about the 1980’s NBC Tuesday night’s line up of “The A-Team”, “Riptide”, and “Remington Steele” that we used to enjoy watching.

   I had a little crush on the stars of two of those shows, Pierce Brosnan and Perry King. I wrote a fan letter to the latter once. I got a postcard with his picture on it and a stamped signature in return. He and Tracey Gold are the only stars that I’ve ever done this for.

    Thursday night’s CBS lineup was my other favorite –“Magnum P.I.” and “Simon & Simon”. I liked Tom Selleck a lot in the 1980s. I still have the two posters of him from back then.

    The 1984 Team Volleyball Captain one is messed up though because I foolishly cut across the top part of it. There was a rip in one corner from when I tried taking that sticky stuff that we used to use to hang stuff up off of it.

   I wish that I hadn’t taken apart the” Magnum P.I.” 1984 calendar. Mike lost the one page that I let him have. I might still have the “Riptide” poster. It’s kind of strange that I kept that.

    I definitely have the Don Mattingly one and the scrapbook that has 8x10’s, articles and his cards in it. I wish that I had kept the 6 Yankees yearbooks from the 80s too. My brother used to tease me so much about that crush, esp. when we were listening to or watching the games. This was so embarrassing.

My Duran Duran Scrapbook 2

I have this vivid memory of being on the playground at my grade school sometime in 1982 listening to the popular girls discussing who their favourite guy in Duran Duran was. I really wasn't into that group then, although Hungry Like the Wolf was one of the only 10 45s that I had in the 1980s. I was laughing on the inside about them going so ga-ga over these guys. I was a little familiar with their names but not their faces. I was always too busy studying or reading mystery and other novels to care about watching MTV or looking at those teenie bopper mags. It wasn't until about 1993 that I could fully understand why my classmates had been crushing on these Duran Duran guys for that is when I really got into their music and if I had been into it back in the 80s and was part of that popular crowd I would have been agreeing with a couple of them who said that John Taylor was their favourite. It hasn't been until recently that I am not ashamed to admit this. I didn't get all these photos until starting in 2007 though when I was going through my late in life boy crazy phase. The one of him with Simon and Nick is from a fan club and it came as a bonus suprise gift when I ordered a couple of books on ebay - it was nice of this girl to include that with them.

Books About The 1980s

I ordered both of these books from the amazon.com site a couple of years ago. I first saw the Totally Awesome 80's one at a bookstore back in the mid 1990s and kind of regretted not getting it then. My library actually had The Best of Smash Hits and a few weeks after I took this out I decided to look into purchasing it. I never did buy that magazine back in the 1980s but I did get some issues of it from ebay shortly after getting this book. I guess that I was making up for the fact that I was never like my classmates going ga-ga over Duran Duran and other performers back then. I was too busy studying and reading to care about teen idols, MTV and all that. It's kind of embarrassing that I didn't go through my boy crazy phase until my mid 30's. I did have little crushes on Tom Selleck and the baseball player Don Mattingly but it seemed tame compared to how crazy the girls were going over guys like Rick Springfield and all those other idols that were in Tiger Beat and those other teenie-bopper mags.

A Funny Book

I first saw this book at the Virgin Megastore in NYC back in November of 2007 about 2 hours before a concert of a group that is actually in it - Duran Duran. I was thinking that I can't believe that I'd actually be seeing them in person soon but also wishing that I had been into them in the 80's and could see them as they looked in the picture. I thought about buying this but passed on it. I was there a few months later but the book was not. It was about a year after this that I was looking at books on Amazon and found and ordered it. I can't help but laugh a little about these male idols of the 70's and 80's. Tom Selleck was definitely one of my crushes in the 80's. Who were some of yours? I included a picture of the back of this book because it has a list of some of the stars in it and I just had to include that goofy photo of Hasselhoff in this post.

2009 US Open

I have only been following the tennis since the second week of the 2006 US Open. I didn't really know that much about it and used to think that it was boring but I was depressed about my mom being in the hospital and put the TV on to take my mind off of this. I wanted to watch The Price Is Right and was mad that the tennis was on but part of me was thinking give it a chance - well, mostly I left it on because I was thinking that the two players were kind of cute. One was an American, Robbie Ginepri and the other a German, Tommy Haas. After this event, I was thinking that there wouldn't be any more tennis until late spring so I really wasn't paying attention to sports. I felt so stupid when I found out that I had missed the Australian Open and other events. I did see the last few days of the French Open 2007.

I really wanted to go to the US Open in 2007 only my anxiety problem kept me from doing so as it did in 2008. I finally got over my fears and my brother and I went to the first 4 days of that event in 2009. If I hadn't gone into the city to see Federer at a charity event maybe I still would have been too scared to go. We didn't get the tickets until a few days before the event. I had never ordered tickets on line or printed them out before. I was so glad that tickets were still available.

I have good memories of being at the US Open then but also the memories of some of the stupid things that I did haunt me. I have been better at letting all that go these days and am focusing on the fact that I was brave and didn't let fear prevent me from going and also am thinking how lucky we were to be there. We were at 4 matches in Armstrong stadium on that Wednesday which was the best day there. We saw Pennetta v. Mirza, Safin v. Melzer, Bartoli v. Clijsters and Del Potro v. Monaco. I could have gotten Safin's autograph when he was practicing but was too afraid to. My brother did get me another Russian guy's autograph the next day - Davydenko.

I went to 2 Tommy Haas matches. The first one I was sitting real close on the outside bleachers exactly where I wanted to be only I listened to the guy next to me who said it was better to be on the inside. I regretted moving even like 20 minutes later. I probably could've gone back outside and gotten closer than the 6 rows up that I was on the inside but my idiot voice said it was too late and I had to stay where I was. My camera battery ran out just as the match ended so I was unable to get a photo of him leaving the court. I am embarrased to admit that I ran out of there just to get close to him. Originally I only planned on going 3 days to this event but I added a fourth just because I wanted to see Haas again.

The photo is of Tommy Haas at his second round match against Kendrick which he won in 3 sets. I was sitting pretty close there only my brother was in another section because we were dense and didn't listen to the 2 nice people who we were talking to as we waited an hour before the tennis center opened. They said that the closer seats on the one side were for grounds pass people and not reserved but I asked an employee inside and she said they were. Why did I believe her? She must've misunderstood me.15 - 20 minutes later I asked another employee and he said that we could sit over there. I forgot to ask my brother for the binoculars -I would have had a great view of Haas if I had those. His seat was on the opposite side of where I was. I'm still ashamed that I was going a little ga-ga over him.

I saw 4 or 5 other matches. On the last night we were watching Kohlschreiber but we left after the 3rd set which we regretted. I don't know why we just didn't stay for the whole thing. Oh well, we aren't too bright, I suppose. Mark was happy that he got to see his girls and despite some of the stupid things that I did I enjoyed being at this event that for a couple of years that I was afraid to go to. Yes, I was still feeling anxious about being around so many people but I managed to do okay with that and even socializing with them. I sat next to a nice guy who looked a bit like James Blake at the Tsonga match on day 2. He was from Canada. I only took 3 pictures at that match. I didn't do the match hopping like alot of people do at this event so they can see more players that way. I would have liked to have seen more of my guys like Ferrer.

Mark and I were exhausted after these 4 days. We were up by 5 a.m. and out until like between 9 and 10 pm. It was well worth it though and we said that we would definitely be getting tickets for the next year's US Open like shortly after they went on sale which we did - actually I got them the first day. I had been having this bad feeling even like right afterwards that Haas would not be there then and unfortunately I was right. Safin had retired the year before not long after that event. I'm trying not to think about the fact that I wish that I had gone in 2007 and 2008 and I would have gotten to see more of my 2 favs in person. I can't belive that I used to think that tennis is boring.

Colin Firth

I don't go to the movies much but last weekend I saw The King's Speech which I really enjoyed. I was going to wait until it came out on DVD but decided to see it in Cranford Theater. I have liked Colin Firth ever since I first saw him in Pride and Prejudice on A&E in 1995. Even my brother was watching some of that. They showed it on PBS last year and I watched it again. I haven't seen him in that many movies. Love, Actually and Bridget Jones Diary and it's sequel are the only other ones but when I was looking him up on Wikipedia I noticed many other movies of his that I would like to see. I also saw that he had been in Circle of Friends which I had seen but didn't notice him then. I think at the time I rented it I had a little crush on Chris O'Donnell. I kind of want to see this again just to check out Colin. He definitely is very talented and cute too. I hope that he wins the Golden Globe award - I think that's on tonight.

My First Bon Jovi concert

I really did not get into Bon Jovi music until 2000 when their song It's My Life came out. I never understood why everybody was going so ga-ga over them when I was in high school. My classmates even voted on Never Say Goodbye as the prom song. It seems odd that I did have a Jon Bon Jovi poster on my wall. I won it at either one of those carnival or boardwalk ring toss games, part of me must've thought that he was kind of cute. I wanted to go to one of the shows on the Crush tour in 2000 but the ones in NJ were sold out so my boyfriend and I went to the one in Philadelphia. I think that it was called the First Union Center then. It was on November 10th.

Our seats were high up so I rented binoculars to get a better view. Of course there were screens too but I didn't look at them much - maybe I should have done so more. The two people in front of us stood up during a few songs but I didn't really feel like getting up so I was looking around them. One of the songs was Livin' On A Prayer. It was a good show besides that. I was a little disappointed that they didn't do Thank You For Loving Me though. During one of the songs he danced with a pretty girl for a bit, she must've been a contest winner. I think it was Bed of Roses.

Mike bought me the souvenier program. Near the center we had to stop for gas. I saw a stray doggie and was feeling so sad about that - this happens to be my most vivid memory of the night. I do get so emotional about animals. I have a vague memory of having some sort of steak sandwhich with a very salty sauce or gravy on it at the center. I was hoping that I'd get to go to another Bon Jovi concert someday. I'm glad that I went to their website and wrote down the set list.

Scrapbook Stuff 1

I was looking through one of my many scrapbooks the other day and seeing this made me both happy and sad. I miss our sunshine spaniel. This is my favourite scrapbook because it has mostly spaniels in it. I have another one with other doggies like golden retrievers. My brother says that I have too many scrapbooks. I had more stuff in them but over the years got rid of some of this. I was thinking of throwing out some more like from the TV ones. I would never throw out any of my animal pictures and articles though. Other scrapbooks that I have - about 4 tennis, classic actors, 70's - 90's TV, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, James Franco, British TV, Don Mattingly, Duran Duran, Bon Jovi, Travel, Concerts and Events, personal and more also. I use the 1 , 2 or 3 inch binders and put sheet protector pages in them. Maybe some people might think that doing this is kind of teenagish but I enjoy it.

My Disco/Franco dream

I dreamt that aliens abducted me and made me look younger - around 23. There was a shape shifting alien that made himself look like James Franco also at this age. The aliens had been observing me and knew everything that I like. I was wearing a dress that looked like a pink one that I had when I was a kid. We were sent back in time to the late 70's and were in a disco club in NYC. Last Dance by Donna Summer was playing and we were dancing to this. They gave me the ability to dance well too. I'm so bad at this in real life. I was having such a good time and wasn't even scared that I was with an alien.

My Jon Bon Jovi poster

I really was not into Bon Jovi music back in the 80's but I did have this poster hanging in my room along with the Riptide one. I did not buy it. I won it at one of those ring toss games on the boardwalk. I forget where - could've been Keansburg or maybe Seaside. I must have thought that he was kind of cute otherwise I would not have put this on my wall. I had it up there for a couple of years in the 80s and threw it out by the mid 90s. I got this 8x10 at a flea market in the late 90s. He looked so much better when I first got into their music in 2000. He definitely was on my cute guy list then.

My 80's crush

My brother used to tease me alot about my crush on Don Mattingly. I enjoyed watching the Yankees games with him in the 80's. That crush ended in the early 90's but my brother still teases me about him. My dad got me the 1984 Topp's baseball card but it was stolen from me by a boyfriend 12 years later and I'm still mad about this. I got another one but it's slightly flawed. I should've been more careful when buying it at the flea market. Sometimes I wonder why I even thought that he was cute. I guess my tastes have changed - not really into guys with facial hair that much anymore.

My Real Life Crush

I was at the grocery store this morning and part of me was so glad to see that the cute guy that I've had a crush on for the past 8 years was working today. I can't help feeling embarrased that I go a bit ga-ga over him. He looks a little like that country singer Tim McGraw. I get kind of disappointed when he's not there which seems rather ridiculous to me.

I thought that I saw him smiling at me once 8 years ago but part of me was thinking that there's no way that someone that cute would want to even look at you. Very low self esteem. I convinced myself that I must have been imagining this. Now I'm thinking what if I had smiled back - maybe we would've eventually talked to one another and even gone on a date and perhaps become a couple. Yeah, right. Keep dreaming.

I wish that my fascination with this guy would end already. It's sort of annoying and depressing. I just can't see myself involved with any guy. He does look younger than me, maybe early 30s. Not that this matters to me , although I'm picturing my brother calling me a cougar which I'm tired of hearing. I'm sure that the cute guy must have a girlfriend or even a wife.

Oh how I hate some of the dirty thoughts that I've had about him. Sometimes I wish that he'd accidentally bump into me which seems absurd. I'm even ashamed that I get happy when I see him. I'm trying to work on the shame/guy issue with my therapist but so far I haven't made much progress there.

Mom forgot the potatoes so I volunteered to go back for them. It's so bad that part of the reason that I did so was because I was hoping to get the chance to see the cute guy again. Darn, how disappointing that he wasn't in his department near the deli counter. I hope that he hasn't seen me checking him out for this might creep him out.

My Crushes

These are 2 of my crushes from the 80's and early 90's. I was never into any of the teen idols like my classmates were. I never understood why they made such a big deal out of them. I have this clear memory of being on the grade school playground and 3 or 4 of the girls going ga-ga over the guys in Duran Duran. I guess that I liked the much older guys back then. It wasn't until the mid 90s that I could understand what they saw in them. I had a couple of Tom Selleck posters on my wall. I would sometimes debate which character of Harrison Ford that I liked better - Indiana Jones or Han Solo. I think that the former usually won this inner debate.

Boy crazy phase

I didn't really go through a boy crazy phase in my preteen and teen years. I did have some crushes but they weren't as intense as the ones that I had in my mid - late 30s which is pretty embarrasing. James Franco and John Taylor were defintely on the top of the cute guy list. I'm just glad that I'm over this phase.

I showed my therapist my Duran Duran concert photos from 2008 and she looked at one and said that he kind of looks like James Franco. It's weird that I was thinking the same thing when I first noticed that JF is cute in 20o5. Maybe part of me wanted someone younger to replace JT with nowadays. That is so mean.

My thoughts are that once you are over 40 you are no longer in the hot category. There are some exceptions up to the mid 40s like Jon Bon Jovi. After this I consider a guy good looking. Maybe this isn't very nice of me but I just can't picture a man of a certain age as being hot. I wonder if guys think this about girls too?

Top 10 Cute Guy rankings

I was looking through my journal and in the entry from August 30,2009 found that rankings list that I am embarrased that I even came up with. This seems so teenagish! I had a couple of other such lists in another journal- at one time Jon Bon Jovi was #2.

1. James Franco
2. John Taylor
3. Marat Safin
4. Tommy Haas
5. Jensen Ackles
6. David Boreanaz
7. Milo Ventimiglia
8. Jon Bon Jovi
9. Tom Welling
10. Orlando Bloom

I even added a plus 5 to this one, which makes it more ridiculous.
11. Alex O'Loughlin
12.Hugh Jackman
13. Jeffrey Donovan
14.George Eads
15. Justin Hartley

I was thinking about the silly crushes that I had in the 80s-mid 90s. Tom Selleck, Harrison Ford, Don Mattingly, Perry King, Lee Horsley, Bruce Boxlietner and a few others. I was never into the teen heart-throbs that most girls my age were such as the guys in Duran Duran, Rob Lowe, Matt Dillon, Kevin Bacon, etc..

My grandmother thought that I had a crush on Michael J. Fox just because I liked Back To The Future. She even brought me one of those teenie bopper mags with him on the cover. I kept it for a little while but it eventually got tossed out. Unfortunately, I put the Back To The Future poster in that one instead of the official souvenier magazine by accident so I no longer have that.

I had a scrapbook that I bought at a fleamarket about the time that I first started getting into Duran Duran which was 1993. There were alot of nice John Taylor photos in it. I went through a purging of my scrapbook stuff phase a few years later so that and some my 80s-early 90s items went into the trashcan. I kind of regret this.

I feel rather foolish for having my cute guys scrapbooks now at my age. I'm pretty much over my semi-obsessive Duran Duran/John Taylor phase, thank goodness. I don't want to part with the books, magazines and various other things that I ordered on ebay though. It is a bit embarrasing that I went so bonkers over them. I guess I was making up for not being into them in the 80s. I never understood back then why the girls were going so crazy over that group but now I can see why.

My music

My memory has been pretty craptastic lately yet I can remember the 45s that I had as a kid, which was only about 10. Gloria, Hungry Like The Wolf, Africa,On The Wings of Love, Shadows of the Night, Goody Two Shoes, Mickey, Do You Really Want To Hurt Me.

I still have some records but not many. I foolishly got rid of alot of my music stuff in the late 90's. Mom has some Rosemary Clooney 78s. I like some of my parent's music like Elvis, Sinatra , Nat King Cole and Doris Day. I am ashamed to admit some of the music that I like though but I might as well try to get over that. Bon Jovi and Duran Duran are my favourites. I didn't really get into them until late though-2000 for Bon Jovi and 1993 for Duran Duran but only a little then. Mostly into country music in the 90's so mainly the past 4 years for them. I could go on and on about this subject but I'll save it for the future. this blogging stuff is new to me. Seems like fun. Don't know if anyone will be interested in what I have to say but might as well try to connect with others. I would like to post my concert experiences also.

I didn't really get into going to concerts until 2000. My brother and I did go to 3 in the early 90's-Rod Stewart,Styx, and John Denver. Should I be ashamed to admit to the latter? Whatever. Hopefully I will be going to a Duran Duran concert in December. My brother thinks that I've only been to 3 Bon Jovi concerts but it was really 7. I don't admit this to him because he is always teasing me about JBJ . He is pretty immature-still teases me about my childhood crush Don Mattingly . Well, time to watch CSI-NY. More to come soon.