I have many topics that I'd like to post about and posts that I'd love to read but lately I just haven't felt up to doing so. I just feel so emotionally drained. My mom's health has not been good lately. She had a mini stroke on September 5. She was supposed to go for physical therapy shortly afterwards but she kept putting this off. I took charge and called the hospital about this earlier this week and they are supposed to call me back today. She has fallen 3 times since May - 2 times down steps and once in a parking lot. I had to take her to the ER last week.
I went with her to her 2 doctor's appointments to let them know about my concerns and to find out all about her problems. She has kept me in the dark about some of them. She has diabetes, high blood pressure, gastric reflux, depression, anxiety and a few other health issues. She just hasn't even been taking good care of herself which is really upsetting - it's as if she doesn't care anymore. I'm sure that some people might think that I'm a bitch for saying that I can't handle this stress. I do love my mother. I just don't have much strength to deal with even my own issues.
Her health problems started a long time ago and just have gotten worse over the years. She had gastric bypass surgery in 1979 when it was a new procedure and they botched it up and a few years later had to have another surgery to try to correct this. Since then she's has gastric problems. She also gets migraine headaches often. She used to take a nose spray and got addicted to it. She was really out of it sometimes - even hallucinating. Very scary. She was also taking pills for this at the same time. Her one doctor got in trouble once for over prescribing the spray.
She used to be on Valium for many years. I remember a time in the late 70's when I saw her on the kitchen floor. The ambulance came and I was crying. She had taken too many of those pills and it wasn't until about 6 years ago when I had to look through some of her paperwork that I found out that she had attempted suicide which made me both sad and angry. Dad and his family did cause her alot of anxiety. I was glad when she was taken off of this med. It's very addictive and I know she was overusing it. It's only been a few years since she's been off of it.
I did try talking to her doctors about my concerns regarding her meds a few times but they never seemed to take me seriously. The one finally took her off Ambien, another powerful med that she was overdoing, but then she went to her other doctor and got a prescription off of him. No one on her side of the family has had the hallucination problem - I truly believe it is all the overusage of these meds that caused this. And no history of strokes either. My therapist agrees that all those years of being on these meds did contribute to the few mini strokes that she's had and even the hallucination issue.
I am trying my best to remain strong but it is very hard because I get easily overwhelmed and even simple things are hard for me to do. I had to take over the bill paying in August of 2006 and since then other stuff like filling out important paper work that mom can no longer handle. I can't help but think that sometimes she doesn't even want to try to do these things and just likes being looked after by me. That sounds so mean. She has trouble with many things even setting her alarm and dialing certain phone numbers. There is no history of dementia in her family so I'm blaming this on the med addiction too. She sleeps alot and seems to be in her own little world. I wish that I could magically make her all better.
I didn't mean to ramble on and on about this topic and maybe I should not have even mentioned all this but it just gets so hard to be in a positive frame of mind between this and the other huge source of stress in my life - my brother. I won't get into all that today. I've said enough for one day. I promise that I will soon return with my usual fun and upbeat topics and that I will read and comment on more of your posts too. I take blogging seriously - I make a list of posts that I want to read. I write down the ones that I've read. I have lots of photos in folders for my posts and have written a draft of the info of what I'll include in them. I really enjoy this site.
I hope that everyone has a great weekend.
Phil Collins: "In The Air Tonight"
5 days ago