My Buffy pup

Buffy will be 12 and a half next month - if she is still with us. Her health has not been good for the past 12-18 months. Much of this is due to the fact that she was on meds with steroids in them for her allergies so now she has liver and kidney damage in addition to a weak heart. I only wish that I had tried the more expensive non-steroid meds years ago. She's had allergy problems for at least 9 years. If I weren't so selfish and spending alot of money on clothes and jewelry I'm sure I would have had enough money for this.

The lady vet did say that we'd keep track of certain levels and if they got too high she'd tell us and we'd take her off the steroids. Well, she let them get so high that the damage got pretty bad. I do blame her also for my Buffy's poor health. She has been off that med for a year but last week her allergies got so bad that I had to take her to the vets. The girl vet said that the only med that would work would be a steroid shot but I really did not want to give her that so she said we'd try antibiotics because maybe it was just an infection.

We gave her the antibiotics for the week but this did not work. She was back to licking and biting herself. We took her back for a recheck yesterday and that's when we had no choice but to get that shot for her. I already feel bad enough about shortening her life so now this will probably further do so. Unfortunately when I woke up this morning I saw that she had once again been biting and licking herself - her whole side is a mess.

The vet said that if it did not get better by the middle of next week to call and set up an appointment but what more can they do for her? Maybe they'll give her a special bath to help make her feel less itchy. My Buffy fund is very low now. I spent about 350.00 on her this past week already. I might just have to get into credit card debt, something I dread.

I love her so much and wish that we had been better owners. Some of the heart problem could be from not having her teeth cleaned. The vet tech said that bad teeth and gums can lead to a build up of something in the heart - I forget what she said it was. We had them cleaned last summer. I should have been cleaning them every so often throughout the years and this past one too. Bad Lara.

I have written about my Buffy's problems before but I just felt the need to vent out my thoughts and emotions about this again. I don't think I could ever forgive myself for not being a better owner. I hope that she's around at least until her 13th birthday in February but that's doubtful. I'm trying to give her lots of love and belly rubs and spend more time with her than usual. I get so emotional about doggies and animals.